I Was Always Her "Little Boy"

Life changes in an instant.  Since I last blogged I have experienced many things in these two months I have been off work.  I have been through reliving the loss of my spouse Ray Riker, spent five nights with my mother in Detroit, took a day trip to Chicago to celebrate Drew's birthday, spent time with great friends from Illinois during the week of Drew's birthday, and my mother passed away. 

Her favorite hobby - shopping!

My mother passed away on Tuesday night, February 28, 2017.  She had fallen and broke a femur bone.  She was in the hospital and had a successful surgery to repair the bone.  In spite of some other health issues we were going to have to deal with for her, things looked promising for her recovery.  She took a quick decline in her health, suffered a heart attack while in the hospital and passed away pretty quickly. 

I knew the day would come.  I dreaded the reality of that day - but I knew it was inevitable.  My hopes were that it would be several years yet before that reality.  I know of people doing just fine in their late 80's and early 90's - so why not her?  Nothing prepares you for the news.  Nothing!  She was two months shy of celebrating her 83rd birthday. 

Each one of us children and grandchildren shared a special and unique bond with her that was individual to each of us.  I feel so sad for my three nieces.  They loved their "mimi" and she cherished them.  They were the absolute love of her life.  They have lost a vital relationship shared with their grandmother.  I can't speak for my sister or brother, but I know each of them shared a special relationship with her that couldn't be experienced by the other and they are suffering terrible loss, depression and grief.  The same is with me. 

My mother was so special to me.  Our bond became stronger after Ray died.  We were both "widowed."  Even after Drew entered my life, we shared the special bond of losing our spouse/soul mate.  Out of three cruises I took with her, two were just with her and me.  Those were special bonding moments.  I loved being able to give her the opportunity to experience life and the world outside of Michigan...outside of the United States.  She was so curious about how others lived in other countries.  She would always step aside and talk to our tour guides and ask about their lives, their jobs, their families, and what it was like to live where they did.  She was so "blown away" at how kind people were in other countries. 

Mom talking to one of our tour guides in St. Thomas

I talked to my mom daily.  Sometimes two to three times a day.  When I visited her I realized how often my brother and sister called her as well.  I often said that she must get tired of us calling her constantly, but she said she didn't.  She said she loved hearing from us.  I believed her too!

I am so happy that Drew and I went to visit her a few weeks ago.  We took her to lunch at the old "Hudson's" restaurant in Oakland Mall.  We stopped at JC Penney's and bought her two new pairs of pants - as she had lost a ton of weight.  It was so special to me.  However, I could see her soul through her eyes.  To me, it looked like her soul was tired.  I had a gut feeling that her health was on a spiraling decline and decided that we would stay two extra nights than our original plan. 

I am so honored that my mother loved me unconditionally.  I loved her so much.  As a second grader I would miss her and my dad so much during the school day, so I carried a picture of them in my lunch box.  My mom wrapped the photo in a plastic sandwich bag to protect it.  I guess I was somewhat of a "mama's boy" - but by my choice, not because she encouraged me to be one.  She probably would have liked some break from me once in a while as a child, but I looked up to her so much and wanted her complete approval.  Even as a man in his 40's, I wanted her approval.

 

I am so happy for the wonderful relationship I had with her as an adult man - but as she would say, I was always her "little boy." - Jimmy