Summer 2025 is in full swing!
Yesterday morning I spent a little time enjoying my porch/deck with Harley. Just sat and drank my coffee. Then I put my new power washer together and did some power washing.
By early afternoon I headed to Douglas Beach. I took a good hour plus walk along the Lakeshore. I was determined to find some beach glass, but only found 1 brown piece. At least I found something. The waves were pretty decent and the water felt good on my legs. The fresh air mixed with the smell of the lake brought back memories of summer vacations. The wonderful feeling of no other worries of the day was palpable. No need to think about guests checking in, rooms to clean, laundry to do, etc. I always felt the B&B was more work than Ray did (probably because I did most of the "work." Seriously.). Ray could let his mind run free and dream, I always felt a sense of responsibility and thoughts of work that had to be done. Then, after the B&B, I had Drew to care for. Although in the beginning he was quite independent - I still knew I had a sense of responsibility for his care. Yesterday, I didn't have a care in the world. It felt like vacation.
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| My current view as I write in my blog. |
After the beach I headed to Holland. I got the car washed, got some necessary items at Wal-Mart and looked for white shorts (to wear for the July 4th holiday at work). I couldn't find ANY white shorts at Wal-Mart, TJ Maxx, Burlington or Sierra. I stopped at The Bearded Dutchman Meat Market and got some Sweet Italian Brats, ground veal for a future Bolognase sauce recipe and some Canadian Bacon for a homemade recipe of Boston Baked Beans.
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| Harley on the porch this morning. |
My enjoyable day continued into the evening. I cut the lawn, which looks great! I've been keeping it watered all summer so far. Then I BBQ'd a brat, boiled some corn on the Cobb and had potato salad for dinner. I went to bed with a smile on my face and a dog cuddled under the covers next to my legs.
Today I plan to continue my enjoyable summer. I am going to the farmer's market in South Haven, maybe check for white shorts at Glik's, stop at Aldi for some things and hopefully go to the beach again for a nice walk. I may try to get my extra propane tank filled for my gas fire pit/table.
I still have depression/anxiety, which I hear is common for caregivers. It would seem like it would be so easy to just move on, but the scars are there and they are very deep. There's guilt for things you think you should or could have done differently. There's guilt that your life moves on in the aftermath of their death. The grim reality of death (for yourself one day) haunts you. I tell myself that "others have it worse" but that's kind of a morbid way to try to "feel better" about your situation. So, I try hard to keep busy with things that give me joy Unfortunately one of those joys is retail therapy (shopping). I don't have unlimited income (I don't know anyone that does) so I have to be careful, but it makes me happy. Fortunately my new home makes me so happy too. So there is that.
