This is what I plan for my life!

Almost three months have gone by since I have written in my blog.  The healing is getting so much better.

In the beginning I started this blog just to update family and friends on Ray's surgery progress.  It then became an outlet for my feelings and process of grief.  "Write it down" my grief counselor said.  Not necessarily so publicly, but I did - so that I could share my road with others.  Maybe just to keep some people updated, maybe to help other people going through the same sense of loss.

Moscow, the Kirby House mascot died last week.  Signs were becoming quite prevalent, I woke up in the morning and she was lying under the dining room table, alive.  I laid down with her and pet her.  She took three quick breaths and left me.  I am at peace about it.  She lived a LONG and GREAT life.  Everyone, and I mean everyone who stayed at the Kirby House knew Moscow.  She patrolled the grounds keeping the moles in check and the mice from getting much further than the basement.  Yet another tie to Ray and Kirby House gone.  It's all good.  I've started a new life.

A guest feeding Moscow a Pina Colada at a July 4th Party!

I'm going on my fourth month at Lakeshore Lodging.  What a great move for me.  I am now just starting to feel comfortable with the job and all the components that go along with it.  It's such a great place to work, I am so thankful to them for hiring me!  I remember the day I saw the job posting on Facebook.  I was at Booking.com and thought...woooo whoooo!  This is where I'm going!  For so many reasons it has been the best thing for me.  I even rode my bike home from work one day...took me 18 minutes to get home.  I just have to get my strength up to do that more.  I've spent a year and a half doing virtually no exercise.  (Working at a call center all day sitting in a chair doesn't give you much activity.)  

Friedl has moved on to living in New Hampshire.  We talk every few days.  I miss her terribly!  She wants to fly me out this fall to visit her.  Just don't know if I will be able to do it.  I want to go to Detroit for several days to show the City to Drew and spend time with family.  

You can't plan your life.  If you want to make God laugh, say "This is what I plan for my life." - Jimmy

Moving Forward

Well, almost a full month since I've blogged. 

I started my new job at Lakeshore Lodging in Saugatuck on April 7.  I am loving it!  We specialize in vacation home rentals.  It is sooo much better than sitting in a chair for eight hours answering phones.  Great people to work with too! 

My life if going quite good right now.  I haven't take any of my anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication for a few days now.  I took two of each daily (a total of four pills).  I was down to one and now I've gone with none for a few days.  Hallelujah!  I think that now that I have some structure to my life and a great routine going that has helped a lot.  I lost so much in the last four years that it really took a toll on me emotionally. 

My next big change is that my friend Friedl is moving to New Hampshire on Tuesday.  Her daughter and her family are moving there soon so Friedl wanted to move to be close to them.  I will surely miss her!  I'm glad we have Facetime and emails these days to keep in touch!

Moving forward!  Jimmy

I Love Life Again

Wow, it's been a while since blogging.  Time to share and update. 

I have resigned from Booking.com.  For the last year I have tried so hard to be positive about the job.  However, I have never truly liked working there.  It was monotonous and boring.  Answering call after call, just sitting there in one spot for eight hours.  It was torture.  The company itself is a great company to work for, just not my level of activity for a job. 

I will start my new job this Monday, April 7.  I took two weeks off between jobs.  I really needed it.  I had gone right from Kirby House to Booking.com.  In fact, I was still trying to move out when I started my training there last March.  These last two weeks have been a great sabbatical for me.  But, I'm ready for my new adventure.

I will be working as a "Vacation Planner" at Lakeshore Lodging located on Lake Street in Saugatuck.  Lakeshore Lodging is a vacation rental company based in Saugatuck, Michigan with rental properties from South Haven up to Holland, Michigan.  I am so excited about being a part of the community once again.  No longer will I have to drive 100 miles round trip to work.  Another big plus about the great change!

My "babies" are doing fine.  As I type this blog, Mondo, Wiley (the two cats) and Harley (the dog) are sleeping on the bed.  All getting along fine.  Moscow was always the renegade...so she is on her own sleeping in the living room.

My Drew is at work right now.  We are getting along just great.  We have many of the same interests which makes our time together so special.  He is always pretty much in the same mood (unless he has to get up early).  I have been very lucky to have him in my life.  I love him more every day.

My best friend, Friedl, has sold her condominium and will be moving to New Hampshire to be closer to her daughter and family.  Her daughter, Anne, has not yet moved there but should be in a few months.  Friedl will be moving around May 1.  I am so happy for her, but I will truly miss her, as most of you who know me would know that.

It's a sunny Saturday afternoon in April.  I got my taxes done.  First time I could do them on my own in 16 years.  Having the business meant I had to turn them over to an accountant.  Now that I don't own a home and have all the other forms to file required by a business I could actually do the free Turbo Tax online filing! 

I have a comfortable life.  Still trying to make it paycheck to paycheck, but my life is happy.  Trust me, having a lot of "things" in your life does not make you happy.  Just a lot more stuff to take care of.  I love the little apartment Drew and I live in.  I love my little "babies."  I love life again.  - Jimmy

I'm Done Surviving

I'm done surviving.  For the last four years I have been surviving.  Or, I've felt like I am a survivor.  I am done with that.  I am ready to move on.  I'm ready to stop living my life just in survival mode.  I haven't truly moved on with my life.  It's all just been me telling myself "I am moving on" - but actaully I've just been doing things to survive. 

The last few days I've had the flu.  It hit me like a rock on Thursday.  Tonight I sit here alone and think about my life.  I realized that what I've been doing for four years is just surving.  Doing what I need to do to make it.  Now I am ready to take control of my life, quit living in the past, move on to what I want to do.  Not just do things to surving, but to do what I want to do...and not feel guilty about it.  Or, worry about what others think.

This may sound strange, as most people probably think that I've "moved on."  In ways I have, but I've aways felt like I've just been surving.  Do what I have to do to make it.  Now I want live my life like I'm doing what I want, not what I have to do. 

I am ready to live life again! - Jimmy

Happy Valentine's Day!

Wiley and Harley

Wiley is actually laying across Harley in this picture.  This is the morning after Harley went to the groomer's to get all cleaned up for our trip to Detroit this weekend.

Ray's niece, Michelle Riker, is getting married this Saturday.  So, Drew and I are heading to my hometown!  We'll be spending time with my family, Ray's family and Drew will run up to his hometown of Port Huron on Sunday to spend time with his family.  Homecoming week!

I'm looking forward to the change this weekend will give to my routine.  It's been the same for so long, and with the extreme weather there is nothing to do but stay in the house.  (Unless working.)

I'm taking a four day weekend.  This will be so nice!  We'll spend the night at a hotel on Saturday night.  Haven't done that in two years!  It will be nice to be away on a mini-vacation.  A busy one though!

I can't wait to see everyone.  Without the bed and breakfast I haven't seen many people - there's no place for them to stay.  Our place is way too small!

Oh, Happy Valentine's Day! - Jimmy

My "New Book" Has Started!

Harley enjoying the snow - and boy...does he LOVE the snow!

It's February 5 already.  I've been with Booking.com for almost a year now - less than a month to go.  Wow, what a different world I was in a year ago!  Not knowing where I was going to go.  Not knowing what was going to happen with the Kirby House.  Not knowing how I was going to pay bills.  Not knowing if I would have a job.  I was in a big mess. 

My life has a routine now.  A schedule.  It was so hard going from 15 years of my routine to a complete change in my entire life.  Now, after almost a year it's nice to have a routine.  It's quite nice to know what to expect.  To look forward to coming home at night after work and watching "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" with Drew (and all the four legged friends trying to cuddle up).  To look forward to sleeping in and enjoying the time to slowly wake up, again with all the four legged friends trying to cuddle up.  Having my day alone on Sunday's making dinner and cleaning house while Drew is at work.  I love it. 

Now I need to start to take all that extra time I used stressing, adjusting, and just laying around depressed with loads of anxiety and start some hobbies.  I need to start taking pictures again (with my good camera and lenses).  I need to catch up on some books I bought over the last two years I never read.  I need to organize my closet. 

I'm getting organized.  I got a pocket calendar to keep track of dates.  I got an old fashioned phone book to start keeping names, addresses and phone numbers (my computer with all my guest names and numbers crashed). 

Last week Drew bought a deep freezer from Sam's Club.  It was a great deal as it was a display model.  Now I can start cooking in batches again like Ray did so we always have soup, sauces, etc. available.

The day's are getting noticeably longer now (I know they're not actually longer - but it's staying lighter later.) 

My "new book" has started fresh.  There will be references to the past, but chapter 1 has started fresh and new!  - Jimmy

Routines and I'll Go For Now.

Time flies by.  Getting near to the end of January.  Been busy at work and traveling to and from in blizzard snow.  The worst blizzards in years.  Of course it had to happen the year I had to start driving to and from work.  Sometimes at night I feel like I'm navigating the Star Ship Enterprise.  There is pitch darkness witch snow hitting the windshield, it looks like stars.  At times I can't see the road - so God only knows where I might end up.  I drive slowly and follow my GPS screen for guidance.

My life is so different from a year ago.  It's steady, routine and calm.  I'm loving it!  It's been so long since I have fallen into a routine.  Trust me, routines are nice. 

Not much more time left on my break at work to journal - so I'll go for now. - Jimmy