Tomorrow....

I haven't written in my blog in several days because I came down with the flu.  Yuck!  I started with a cough on Sunday and just thought it was a tickle in my throat.  I went to Friedl's and we watched the Grammy's...it was awesome!  Then, I awoke Monday morning with chills and aches all over my body...uh oh.  Fortunately I had a scheduled six month doctor's appointment Monday morning.  He put me on Tamaflu and said I should be better by Friday.  I hope so.  This has really whiped me out!

That is about all that I can update.  I have been in bed pretty much all day for the last three days.  I hope my day is better tomorrow.  - Jimmy

Ray Made Tonight's Dinner for Me

I stayed up Thursday night until 3:15 a.m.  Or, actually Friday morning.  Went to see Amy Grant in Holland at Central Weslyen Church with guests.  Then, we came back home and socialized.  I stayed up talking with one of the guests until 3:15 a.m.  Today was filled with making breakfast, cleaning rooms, fire inspection, guests checking in, etc.  I am now sitting down in the parlor with Mondo...exhausted.  We are full for the weekend, so that is a good sign.

As I sit here in our parlor I look around at the beauty of the house.  I think back to the times Ray and I would stay somewhere and compare it to the Kirby House.  It makes me feel sad.  Today I looked at a card Ray gave me six days before he died.  I could have broke down into complete tears.  I held back.  I only let a few flow.  I am so proud and happy to have that.  It's so special to look at his handwriting.  So much more personal than emails or e-cards. 

Tonight I am having turkey noodle soup...made by Ray on December 2, 2009.  I found it in the freezer the other day with some other dishes he made.  So, I can officially say "Ray made tonight's dinner for me."  - Jimmy

Routine Days Are Back

I awake early...yet again.  How come when I have to get up early to make breakfast I have a hard time getting out of bed?  Then, when no one is here I wake at 5:30 a.m.? 

Wiley and Magnum are getting along great.  I believe I have picked a new name for Magnum.  I wanted to pick a name I could remember and one that meant something to me.  So, after giving it lots of thought I picked Mondo.  That was Ray's "rock star" name.  When he was in his late teens he was in a neighborhood "rock band."  His name was "Mondo Verone."  (As in RayMONDO.)  So for now that is what I am calling him.  Mondo get's "wild streaks."  He will run real fast through the house...up and down the stairs, etc.  It actually has kept Wiley active.  He has sort of joined in.  I think it has been good for him.

I am taking Wiley to the vet today to get his teeth cleaned.  He's probably thinking I got a new cat and I'm returning him.  I tried to explain it to him this morning.  - Jimmy

I Will Stay Positive

So far things are going great with the new addition to the family.  Wiley and Magnum are getting along very well.  Right now I am sitting in bed and both of them are here laying with me (about two feet apart).  Moscow has been up in the apartment and has no idea yet that a new cat is in the house.  I want Magnum to get comfortable with his surroundings before Moscow creates trouble.  Moscow LOVES humans.  She loves to sneak into guest rooms and lay between peoples' legs.  However, she does NOT like other animals. 

Winter is here in full force.  Temperatures are only in the teens.  However, next week it looks like we might hit near 40.  I only have 43 days 7 hours and 15 minutes until my cruise.  But, who is counting! 

I worked on the kitchen yesterday.  Painting, putting my new spice rack up, and finishing some trim around the chimney.  It will be nice to have a fresh look.  It was time for some new paint.

I feel good emotionally.  I am happy.  Many life changes over the year.  Ones I never expected.  I'm moving ahead though.  The road looks much better.  I don't know what the next year has in store for me but what I have gone through has made me much stronger.  I will stay positive.  - Jimmy

My Thoughts This Sunday Morning

I awoke pretty early this morning.  Well, it was early in the sense that I didn't have to do breakfast.  However, I am lying here in bed with a new man.  His name is Magnum and I'm not sure how old he is.  I met him through a friend (Teresa) and adopted him through Harbor Humane Society.  Now you should know by now...he has four legs.  He is a beautiful tiger/tabby cat that is so loving.  I am hoping him and Wiley can get along as friends and that maybe Wiley won't be so lonely.  Especially this summer when I will be so busy.

As I mention many times in my blog, I am so thankful to God for blessing and taking care of me this last year.  The numerous friends and family that have been by my side is unbelievable.  Here I was afraid no one would want to come back to the Kirby House (now that the "fun one" was gone).  However, that clearly has not been the case.  I guess I have to admit that I have taken on some of Ray's silliness.  Somewhat.

It's Sunday and my brother and sister-in-law leave today.  It was great to spend time with them and laugh, eat, and veg out together.  Those are my thoughts this Sunday morning.  - Jimmy

I Wish He Was Here

Friday morning.  I took Karlene to the train station....she's headed back home today.  It was nice to see her and have her here.  I ate way too much food this last week...rack of lamb, duck, chicken, burger, etc.  Time to cut back. 

My brother and sister-in-law came in yesterday.   It will be so nice to spend some time with them.  They are going to the Lady Diana exhibit in Grand Rapids. 

On Tuesday and Thursday nights this week we did karaoke here at the house.  Oh my gosh....what fun.  On Tuesday Karlene said she would not do it, then she loved it.  She begged to do karaoke on Wednesday and again on Thursday.  Friedl came last night and we all did karoke again...it really was a blast.

I'm not sure if my blogs are revealing much about my grieving process.  Lately I've felt "stale."  I guess my life is getting back to a bit more normal now and so my emotions are not so extreme.  However, I post these blogs for "me" as well.  I can track my progress through this life experience.

Last night Friedl, Marguerite, Grace (Ray's sister), Karlene and I went to Clearbrook for dinner.  I had a buffalo burger.  Oh my gosh, delicious!  It was after that we came home to do karaoke.

I'm missing Ray today.  Not in a "bad" way, just missing him.  I want him here with me to talk and cuddle, plan our vacation, plan our life.  I wish he was here.  - Jimmy

Bracing For the Storm

A big storm is headed to Michigan.  We've been very lucky compared to most of the rest of the country. 

The last several days have been very uneventful.  Something I am happy to report!  Saturday I spent most of the day cleaning and organizing the kitchen and pantry.  With help from Marguerite and Karlene things are much more organized.  Plus, I was able to purge a lot of "junk" to make room for a more functional kitchen.  I don't feel so attached to "things" that remind me of Ray.  I have the memories in my mind and heart.  This helps me to move on and yet keep my memories of Ray in a more balanced manner.

Sunday night I made a great dinner for a group of friends.  Friedl, Karlene, Philip, Marguerite and I shared a great dinner.  I made the infamous "Rack of Lamb-Ginghas Kahn" - a recipe from The Lark (a restaurant Ray worked at in Detroit).  I also make roasted carrots, fennel gratin potatoes, puree of split pea soup and for dessert - peanut butter chocolate pie.  The conversations were as pleasing as the dinner was.  (At least to me it was.)

I'm bracing for the storm...with a 1 1/2 hour massage scheduled today.  I think I can handle it!  - Jimmy