Happy Valentine's Day!

Wiley and Harley

Wiley is actually laying across Harley in this picture.  This is the morning after Harley went to the groomer's to get all cleaned up for our trip to Detroit this weekend.

Ray's niece, Michelle Riker, is getting married this Saturday.  So, Drew and I are heading to my hometown!  We'll be spending time with my family, Ray's family and Drew will run up to his hometown of Port Huron on Sunday to spend time with his family.  Homecoming week!

I'm looking forward to the change this weekend will give to my routine.  It's been the same for so long, and with the extreme weather there is nothing to do but stay in the house.  (Unless working.)

I'm taking a four day weekend.  This will be so nice!  We'll spend the night at a hotel on Saturday night.  Haven't done that in two years!  It will be nice to be away on a mini-vacation.  A busy one though!

I can't wait to see everyone.  Without the bed and breakfast I haven't seen many people - there's no place for them to stay.  Our place is way too small!

Oh, Happy Valentine's Day! - Jimmy

My "New Book" Has Started!

Harley enjoying the snow - and boy...does he LOVE the snow!

It's February 5 already.  I've been with Booking.com for almost a year now - less than a month to go.  Wow, what a different world I was in a year ago!  Not knowing where I was going to go.  Not knowing what was going to happen with the Kirby House.  Not knowing how I was going to pay bills.  Not knowing if I would have a job.  I was in a big mess. 

My life has a routine now.  A schedule.  It was so hard going from 15 years of my routine to a complete change in my entire life.  Now, after almost a year it's nice to have a routine.  It's quite nice to know what to expect.  To look forward to coming home at night after work and watching "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" with Drew (and all the four legged friends trying to cuddle up).  To look forward to sleeping in and enjoying the time to slowly wake up, again with all the four legged friends trying to cuddle up.  Having my day alone on Sunday's making dinner and cleaning house while Drew is at work.  I love it. 

Now I need to start to take all that extra time I used stressing, adjusting, and just laying around depressed with loads of anxiety and start some hobbies.  I need to start taking pictures again (with my good camera and lenses).  I need to catch up on some books I bought over the last two years I never read.  I need to organize my closet. 

I'm getting organized.  I got a pocket calendar to keep track of dates.  I got an old fashioned phone book to start keeping names, addresses and phone numbers (my computer with all my guest names and numbers crashed). 

Last week Drew bought a deep freezer from Sam's Club.  It was a great deal as it was a display model.  Now I can start cooking in batches again like Ray did so we always have soup, sauces, etc. available.

The day's are getting noticeably longer now (I know they're not actually longer - but it's staying lighter later.) 

My "new book" has started fresh.  There will be references to the past, but chapter 1 has started fresh and new!  - Jimmy

Routines and I'll Go For Now.

Time flies by.  Getting near to the end of January.  Been busy at work and traveling to and from in blizzard snow.  The worst blizzards in years.  Of course it had to happen the year I had to start driving to and from work.  Sometimes at night I feel like I'm navigating the Star Ship Enterprise.  There is pitch darkness witch snow hitting the windshield, it looks like stars.  At times I can't see the road - so God only knows where I might end up.  I drive slowly and follow my GPS screen for guidance.

My life is so different from a year ago.  It's steady, routine and calm.  I'm loving it!  It's been so long since I have fallen into a routine.  Trust me, routines are nice. 

Not much more time left on my break at work to journal - so I'll go for now. - Jimmy

"Hi" From The Road.

Four years!  Four years ago tonight I lost my other half, Ray Riker, III.  I will never forget that day.  Every single minute of that last day is etched in my mind forever. 

I do finally feel like I have accepted life, my new life.  It's taken so long.  There have been so many downs, and just when I though I couldn't get any more down somehow it happened. 

I will give a toast to Ray tonight.  Tried to visit him at the cemetery today but it wasn't plowed and the new car rides so low I won't risk driving up.  But I did stop and say "hi" from the road. - Jimmy

A New Zest For Life

Here it is!  The last day of the year.  The end of 2013.  I am ready! 

A year ago today all my guests checked in for what would be that last New Year's Dinner at the Kirby House - at least under my ownership.  No one knew that it would be the last.  I didn't want people to feel sad or sentimental.  So, I didn't tell anyone.  I must admit, I won't miss all the work to put together those big dinners!  It was common for Ray and I to go to be at about 4:00 a.m. on January 1st.  With all the dishes, wine glasses, Champagne glasses, etc. - it took quite a while to get everything cleaned.

I will start 2014 with some stability.  Actually, a lot of stability.  I'm settled into a home, job, car and lifestyle.  I  have a routine as well.  I look forward to moving forward in 2014 - with a new zest for life!  -  Jimmy

Stable and Settled

2013 is almost over.  The worst year of my life.  I totally hit “rock bottom.”  Most of my personal belongings are gone.  A couple months ago I said “What more can God take?”  Well she showed me, my vehicle.  On Thursday night, November 7 I hit a deer full speed at 50 mph.  My hood hit the center of this huge deer and tossed her about a hundred feet.  My truck engine was hissing steam and anti-freeze was draining freely from the radiator. 

 

I had been beaten down as far as I can go.  Over 90% of my possessions gone.  The items I sold I had to use to pay bills.  Other stuff I gave away because I had no room for it.  As I said to a friend on the night I hit the deer, “I officially now have nothing…other than Halloween and Christmas decorations, along with clothes.” 

 

I hit a full, deep down in the pit of my stomach depression.  Horrible thoughts went through my head.   I had officially hit rock bottom.   It really hits a sense of reality at that point.    

 

Where else can I go now but up...right?  Things have all fit into place.  The most important thing I have learned is that "things" don't make you happy.  I truly have what I need.  Food, shelter, family and friends.  I've realized my happiest moments are very simple times.  Just watching the Food Network at night after work with Drew is one of the happiest moments of my day. 

 

With very little money I have really learned that I can live "without."  It's pretty amazing.  I really don't "need" things. 

 

I truly believe that 2014 will be the best year I've had in that last four years.  My life should be stable and settled.  -  Jimmy

Snow And Looking Back

I have so much to say since the last two months, but I'll sparse them out in several BLOGS.

I used to love to look outside at the beautiful snow.  For 15 years I would wake up in the morning and enjoy the fresh frozen delight.  After all, it is much better than looking at the dead trees and dirty leaves left on the ground.  And, at this time of year it really heightened the Christmas Spirit!

This year I despise it.  The thing is I didn't think it was the snow, but now I know it plays a critical roll.  When I walk my dog Harley I don't have the same sense of enjoyment.  I get anxious...depressed.  I believe it reminds me of the pain and grief I went through with Ray's surgeries and death right at this exact time of year.  Then the months of aftermath alone in the house waking everyday to more and more snow.  I ached so bad - the memories now of fresh morning snow bring back very bad emotional memories.

I keep looking back.  I keep looking back.  It's so hard not to.  I must look forward.  That is the only direction I can go.  I'm still adjusting as my life continues to evolve.  I'm still at the very beginning of a new life.  I've got to get all the crap behind me.  And all the wonderful things, they are memories now of my past.  I just can't keep looking back. - Jimmy