Happy 25th Anniversary Ray Riker!

Twenty-five years is a generation.  A complete new life cycle.  I sit here at the computer writing a very important blog for me with the Food Network on in the background.  Twenty-five years ago there was no Food Network.  There was no internet.  My "car phone" was in a big bag and I paid $59 a month for 15 free minutes, if I went over that it was 59 cents per minute during peak time or 17 cents per minute between 7:00 p.m. and 7:00 a.m.  No Facebook, no texting, no true home computers.  But 25 years ago tonight is the anniversary of Ray and me.  (Is that proper English?)

Ray and I first saw each other on Memorial Day of 1989.  My brother and I took a walk and passed by Ray's house.  Eyes met and after many walks around the blocks over the next couple months a friendship grew.  There were a lot of difficult circumstances surrounding our relationship but September 22, 1989 sealed it.  We went to dinner at Salute in Detroit, near Six Mile and Woodward.  There was an hour and a half wait but we could not have cared a less.  We talked, and flirted, and talked and flirted.  I assume we had an amazing meal, but I really don't even know what we ate, but we knew that we were falling in love.  (I actually fell in love the very first time I set eyes on him.)  I would never believe such a thing could be possible if I didn't experience it myself.  We were in love...we were soul mates.  It was that night he "mouthed" to me "I love you."  I was in shock, and happy.

This was an era where you did not go in to work on Monday and tell everyone you were in love.  I had to hide everything.  I had to hide my absolute true love from my parents, my siblings, my co-workers.  I was in heaven, but I could NOT let anyone know.  We hid our growing relationship.  Some of Ray's family knew, but all in all we didn't dare share our love.  A few close friends, a few family members, but most people couldn't know we were "gay."  In a way our secret love was fun.  We knew it, but no one else did.  It was "our" secret.

Our love grew with ups and downs.  Arguments, fights, vacations, funerals, weddings, dinners, celebrations....they all added to our bonding together as one.  Even today, as I share moments with Ray's family, I feel a part of them...I feel like I am actually part of the Riker family.  As I was...as I am.  We never got to officially marry but I am called "Uncle" by his nieces and nephews.  That's how they know me....Uncle Jimmy.

There is not a day, or a moment that Ray is not on my mind.  I don't believe in dead people roaming around here on earth with us, but I do believe that Ray is always with me, in his memories, his life, his impact on my life...he is with me.  I know what he would say to me, even today. 

I experienced one of the worst things a person could every experience on January 3, 2010...to find your best friend, lover, spouse...dead.  I sometimes wonder why I still need to be on medication, but that would explain it.  It has been 4 1/2 years, but I still can't get over it.  I deal with it and my life has moved on.  I don't know if I would say I am "at peace" with my life, but I have accepted it, moved on and live each day moving forward with a bit of pain from the wounds. 

Today, I am home alone (Drew is at work) and I am celebrating my 25 years having Ray in my life.  I wouldn't change a thing.  And I am so happy that the last year of his life he encouraged (pushed) me into cooking.  Now I still get to enjoy his pasta sauce, chicken noodle soup, fried chicken, chili, and all the other home comfort foods. 

The picture above is from 1990.  I would take it with me when I traveled the U.S. for work.  This was before all the technical social media.  I kept this picture in my brief case.

September 22, 1989 seems like yesterday!

Happy 25th Anniversary Ray! - Love, Jimmy