Looking Forward To All Of This

Ray with his sister Kathleen.  The last photo taken of him alive.

I'm nearing the end of reliving the last days of Ray's life.  Now I move on to remember the months and months of the immediate aftermath of his death.  I have had some tears this month but nothing compared to the last eight years.  The wound is healing nicely.  It sure takes a while though.

I had a nice Christmas.  Drew and I opened presents and then I made dinner.  Our friends Mary and Phil came over for dinner.  I made roast duck with lingonberry sauce, fennel/gratin potatoes, skillet green beans with pearl onions, and a salad with maple/peanut dressing.  (The dressing was made from a recipe I got from a restaurant that used to be in Douglas called "Chap's.") 

We don't have much of a "social" life, but this last week we were invited to four parties/events.  I had to decline one of them because we already had committed to one.  What a difference from our usual routine.  It was nice!

Well 2018 is almost here.  I am looking forward to starting a fresh, new year.  Drew and I are going to San Francisco in February and will spend the time at our friend Tom's house.  Then in March I'll be going to the Home and Housewares Show in Chicago again!  Looking forward to all of this.  - Jimmy

Eight Years

Christmas just isn't the same since Ray died almost eight years ago.  I try hard.  I decorate to the hilt.  I make Christmas cookies, watch all the traditional shows and movies, and listen to the music.  It's just that the "magic" isn't there.  Probably because Ray loved it so much and he got so into it and that's gone.  Drew does love Christmas but his Huntington's Disease does seem to leave him limited on showing much emotion or excitement.  So I don't have the shared enthusiasm level.  I do try to make it as special as possible for Drew and me but life sure has changed.  His disease makes him very introverted and it's difficult for me as a very extroverted person.  I struggle to try to draw him out.  I think he may even be a little intimidated by my extrovertedness (is that a word?). 

This year I will be making my grandma's "Dobos Torte."  Although I don't make it exactly like the one described on the Wikipedia page, it does taste exactly like the one I ate in Vienna.  My grandmother used German Chocolate (which ironically is named after the inventor of the chocolate, Samuel German...not the country of Germany).  It appears to have been a Hungarian baker who came up with the recipe and Franz Joseph, Emperor of Austria and King of Hungary was one of the first to taste it.  Being that my grandfather was from Austria it makes sense my grandmother would make that at Christmas time.  My sister said my grandmother and her mother-in-law got along quite well and she probably shared this recipe with her. 

In spite of all these feelings I am sharing, I do love and look forward to Christmas and try to make it as special as possible.  Eight years.... - Jimmy

At Least Not For Me

Our Last Photo Together - December 11, 2009

Well, so far this year I have done quite well as the anniversary of Ray's death approaches.  It was eight years ago today that Ray had his colon surgery.  On the way to the hospital Ray asked me if I thought he would make it.  I held his hand and said "of course." 

Speaking of doing good so far...Drew and I have been busy doing things which I haven't done in a long, long time.  We took the train to Chicago last week and had lunch at Macy's (former State Street Marhal Field's) "Walnut Room".  We got to see the giant tree and shop a little.  Afterwards we walked to the Christkindl Markt.  There were all kinds of booths set up with merchandise from Germany, as well as traditional German food.  I even bought some leberkaese...something I fell in love with when I went to Vienna with my friend Friedl.  I actually purchased four uncooked slices so I could cook them at home. 

This last Saturday we attended "The Nutcracker Ballet" in Grand Rapids.  I haven't been to a full, live performance of this since seeing it at the Fox Theatre in Detroit around 1991.  The Grand Rapids Ballet Company and The Grand Rapids Symphony did an amazing job.  It truly was spectacular.  We strolled the streets of downtown Grand Rapids before and after.  Stopped in the Amway Grand Hotel and then walked by the skating rink and big tree.  It's been nice getting back to "cultural" things after almost five years.  I've had to adjust to so much change in my life (and I'm not even referring to the loss of Ray) over the last five to six years and I think I was just trying to get some balance and routine in my life.

One great loss I will have this Christmas is the absence of my mother.  The first time ever that she will not be around at Christmas.  She passed away in February due to complications from surgery on a broken femur bone.  Although I haven't been with her physically every Christmas since moving to Saugatuck in 1998, it was comforting knowing she was just a phone call away...and we did talked EVERY day.   

After eight years I am STILL settling into my life.  You would think it would just happen but it doesn't, at least not for me.  - Jimmy