Here it is 5:30 a.m. and I'm wide awake! I feel really good this morning. I've had a full 1 1/2 days "off" so I am getting well rested. It's tough working 24/7 and being "ON" for almost five months. I think I'll take one more day "off" and then start getting things ready for the weekend tomorrow. By then I should be totally refreshed.
Mentally and emotionally I'm feeling very good. I can't tell you how many times I just thought it could never happen. I remember mentioning in many blogs that I don't think I could ever feel "normal" again. The pain of the loss of Ray was so strong. My world, as I knew it, was turned upside down. In an instant. How do you cope? How do you get through. Well I did it an hour at a time. I couldn't even look at it as a day at a time. From one hour to the next my emotions ran wild. I hid my emotions from the outside world. I would hurt so bad inside but as I did my daily errands no one else knew my hurt. I'm sure there were others around me who were hurting and saw me and wished they were "happy" like I am...not even knowing the hurt I was going through. Today I feel normal.
I have made so much progress. I could not have do it without the support from my community of friends, acquaintances, grief counseling, family, God, reading about loss and grief, medication (of course), alcohol (at times), crying and crying, and finally beginning to "let go." By "let go" I am referring to throwing out Ray's old toothbrush, shoes, donating his clothes, and changing things in the house and business to do it MY way. I'm much stronger today. Thank God! - Jimmy
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