He Came Through For Me

I started this blog two years ago only so that a few friends and family could check it to see how Ray was doing. It evolved to become a journal of my personal feelings of my journey through loss, grief and life. As I have looked back at previous entries I have found it to be beneficial to my progress in grieving, healing and moving on with life.

I am in North Carolina right now spending Christmas with Friedl's family. Last night we watched the Polar Express. I couldn't help but think about the time Ray and I saw it at the theatre in 3D. We bought the DVD and watched it every year after. I felt very sad last night. It still seems unreal at times that he is not here anymore. I know the reality of it, but it still seems hard to process in my brain at times. As you can see from all my entries, my days are still "up and down."

At times I still feel so alone. The person I sent half my life with, 21 years, is not here to share my future. So although I have so many wonderful people in my life, there are times I still feel so awkwardly alone. Out of place. The "odd man out."

It's Christmas Eve. I thank God for how he has taken care of me for the last two years. At times I thought "how am I going to make it" and somehow He took care of me. At times it was as "nail biting last minutes" - but He came through for me. - Jimmy