A New Zest For Life

Here it is!  The last day of the year.  The end of 2013.  I am ready! 

A year ago today all my guests checked in for what would be that last New Year's Dinner at the Kirby House - at least under my ownership.  No one knew that it would be the last.  I didn't want people to feel sad or sentimental.  So, I didn't tell anyone.  I must admit, I won't miss all the work to put together those big dinners!  It was common for Ray and I to go to be at about 4:00 a.m. on January 1st.  With all the dishes, wine glasses, Champagne glasses, etc. - it took quite a while to get everything cleaned.

I will start 2014 with some stability.  Actually, a lot of stability.  I'm settled into a home, job, car and lifestyle.  I  have a routine as well.  I look forward to moving forward in 2014 - with a new zest for life!  -  Jimmy

Stable and Settled

2013 is almost over.  The worst year of my life.  I totally hit “rock bottom.”  Most of my personal belongings are gone.  A couple months ago I said “What more can God take?”  Well she showed me, my vehicle.  On Thursday night, November 7 I hit a deer full speed at 50 mph.  My hood hit the center of this huge deer and tossed her about a hundred feet.  My truck engine was hissing steam and anti-freeze was draining freely from the radiator. 

 

I had been beaten down as far as I can go.  Over 90% of my possessions gone.  The items I sold I had to use to pay bills.  Other stuff I gave away because I had no room for it.  As I said to a friend on the night I hit the deer, “I officially now have nothing…other than Halloween and Christmas decorations, along with clothes.” 

 

I hit a full, deep down in the pit of my stomach depression.  Horrible thoughts went through my head.   I had officially hit rock bottom.   It really hits a sense of reality at that point.    

 

Where else can I go now but up...right?  Things have all fit into place.  The most important thing I have learned is that "things" don't make you happy.  I truly have what I need.  Food, shelter, family and friends.  I've realized my happiest moments are very simple times.  Just watching the Food Network at night after work with Drew is one of the happiest moments of my day. 

 

With very little money I have really learned that I can live "without."  It's pretty amazing.  I really don't "need" things. 

 

I truly believe that 2014 will be the best year I've had in that last four years.  My life should be stable and settled.  -  Jimmy

Snow And Looking Back

I have so much to say since the last two months, but I'll sparse them out in several BLOGS.

I used to love to look outside at the beautiful snow.  For 15 years I would wake up in the morning and enjoy the fresh frozen delight.  After all, it is much better than looking at the dead trees and dirty leaves left on the ground.  And, at this time of year it really heightened the Christmas Spirit!

This year I despise it.  The thing is I didn't think it was the snow, but now I know it plays a critical roll.  When I walk my dog Harley I don't have the same sense of enjoyment.  I get anxious...depressed.  I believe it reminds me of the pain and grief I went through with Ray's surgeries and death right at this exact time of year.  Then the months of aftermath alone in the house waking everyday to more and more snow.  I ached so bad - the memories now of fresh morning snow bring back very bad emotional memories.

I keep looking back.  I keep looking back.  It's so hard not to.  I must look forward.  That is the only direction I can go.  I'm still adjusting as my life continues to evolve.  I'm still at the very beginning of a new life.  I've got to get all the crap behind me.  And all the wonderful things, they are memories now of my past.  I just can't keep looking back. - Jimmy