Snow And Looking Back

I have so much to say since the last two months, but I'll sparse them out in several BLOGS.

I used to love to look outside at the beautiful snow.  For 15 years I would wake up in the morning and enjoy the fresh frozen delight.  After all, it is much better than looking at the dead trees and dirty leaves left on the ground.  And, at this time of year it really heightened the Christmas Spirit!

This year I despise it.  The thing is I didn't think it was the snow, but now I know it plays a critical roll.  When I walk my dog Harley I don't have the same sense of enjoyment.  I get anxious...depressed.  I believe it reminds me of the pain and grief I went through with Ray's surgeries and death right at this exact time of year.  Then the months of aftermath alone in the house waking everyday to more and more snow.  I ached so bad - the memories now of fresh morning snow bring back very bad emotional memories.

I keep looking back.  I keep looking back.  It's so hard not to.  I must look forward.  That is the only direction I can go.  I'm still adjusting as my life continues to evolve.  I'm still at the very beginning of a new life.  I've got to get all the crap behind me.  And all the wonderful things, they are memories now of my past.  I just can't keep looking back. - Jimmy