Joy Peace Strength

Ray and Me New Year's 2005

Today is the fifth year anniversary of the loss of my best friend and soul mate, Raymond P. Riker, III.  I could tell you exactly everything I did that day hour by hour.  Etched in my mind forever.  As I mentioned in my Facebook post today, I am not the person I was and I am not the person I will be.  I have grown.  I have learned.  I still have a long way to go. 

I had a dream about Ray this week.  We were at some type of social event.  He kept his distance from me.  When I would come near him he would turn and walk away.  I felt he was pushing me away from him.  I finally met up with him and asked him "what is wrong, why do you keep ignoring me?"  He said "I know what's going on.  You're living with another man in a house."  I told him I wasn't, and asked him who told him that.  He said "your grandma."  I kept promising him I wasn't seeing or living with another man.  When I woke up I was telling Drew about the dream and then I just stopped and started thinking.  What if this is him speaking to me from beyond.  It's quite a stretch of the imagination, but I'd like to think he is letting me go and move on with my life with Drew.  Or maybe it was just a dream from eating spicy food.

Drew has a significant "issue" he is dealing with right now.  Of course, as his partner it affects me as well.  I was in bed this morning praying that God would take this away from us.  Then I thought, it doesn't matter if he takes this away from us, there will just be another burden placed on us again and again.  So I prayed that God would help me keep joy while going through this, peace in my soul, and strength to get through and deal with it.  I felt much more peaceful after that.  I'm just leaving it in God's hands.

I will go to the cemetery this evening when Drew gets home from work.  I'm sure he will want to go.  Enjoy life! - Jimmy