Last week a great friend of mine from the Bank I worked at visited us. It was so nice to spend time with him, share memories, laugh and eat. On Friday another mutual friend (and his partner) came in from the Detroit area to spend the weekend at their Saugatuck home. They invited Drew and me for dinner. I had an amazing time. I felt "normal" for a moment. It's hard to explain what I mean by that, but just being around old friends having appetizers, cocktails, conversations, dinner and this not being friends from the B&B or Saugatuck just made me feel like my old self. It was like being in another world (an old familiar world) that had nothing to do with my Saugatuck past.
Sometimes I think it would be good for me to relocate to a place where no one knows me or my past. A fresh start. A place where there are no memories of Ray. I love my memories with him but I am bombarded by them daily. I think more so due to living in such a small town. I can't escape the daily constant reminders of my past life with him in such small surroundings. I think it makes it more difficult to move on to the new me. Six years have gone by and I still struggle. It's better. Way better than it was six years ago, five years ago, and even last year. But I struggle.
When I'm driving alone I have time to think (which is not always so good). When I have those times and I start thinking about Ray and our past life it's like a wave coming down crashing on me pushing me under water. It overtakes my body and I cry. I know what that wave feels like. When Ray and I first went to Hawaii we both bought $1.99 blow up rafts at the ABC Store to use in the hotel pool. When we read "no pool toys" were allowed we took them to the ocean. Well, I was not too familiar with many beaches at that time beyond Metro Park Beach at 16 Mile Rd. The waves on Poipu Beach in Hawaii are quite bigger than Metro Beach. I got out on my $1.99 raft and saw some waves coming in. I swam out to them and a big one came. It was probably about 10 feet tall. I saw it start to come down on me and I just squeezed my arms around my raft so I wouldn't lose it, held my breath and closed my eyes. CRASH. The force pushed me under water and into a swirling heap of twists and turns. I surfaced and another one came. Ray swam over to me on his raft. He came to help get me out of this current and he came because his raft had a small hole and was losing air. I will never forget that feeling. (Below is a picture of me in our hotel room right after this incident. The flowers were sent to us by Ray's sister Susie. You can see how exhausted I look.)
I have been wanting to start a side business doing photography. I have always had a passion for photography and did some of that for the Bank when I worked there. When they found out how good my photos were they decided it was much less expensive to have me do it than pay a professional. I have no other professional experience other than doing it for the B&B and as a hobby. But I think I'm pretty good at it. I've set up a website and have been working on it. My fear is that it actually may take off and I might feel as if I bit off more than I could chew. Plus, I have a lot to learn and know very little about the industry (other than discussions with photographers who have stayed at The Kirby House). The website is www.abfabphotos.com.
Drew and I are continuing to deal with his Huntington's Disease. We have been going to several different professionals including a Genetics Doctor, Neuro-Psychologist, Speech Therapist, etc. I have to keep an eye on him to be sure he eats, hydrates, and doesn't trip or fall on something. I keep a watchful eye on our surroundings when we are out and about and warn him to be careful of things I see. He is doing well but we just have to keep an eye on things.
This is pretty much my update on my life right now. God Bless! - Jimmy
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