Peace

Well Mackinac Island turned out to be a perfect getaway.  I was at peace and felt like I was "at home" there.  Drew and I visited the Grand Hotel, did a carriage ride tour of the island (which Ray and I never did) and enjoyed some nice meals.  I saw the same desk clerk/manager there that was there every time Ray and I visited.  She has been there close to 20 plus years now.

Tomorrow starts the beginning of the "anniversaries."  It was 10 years ago tomorrow Ray was diagnosed with cancer.  Usually at this time of year the anxieties and dread fill my body.  This year is truly different.  In the past I have blogged about being "at peace" and "being good" but right now I feel a complete level of peace and satisfaction in my life.  It's hard to explain.  I hardly ever cry (or even tear up) about my loss.  I am comfortable about who "I AM" and have accepted so much about where I am in life right now.  I am happy with ME.

And then there is Drew's Huntington's Disease (HD).  This will inevitably kill him but we are doing all we can to stave it off.  We have numerous appointments with professionals, constantly refill and update medications, and try to safeguard him.  For me it's pretty much close to a full time job.  My biggest concern right now is his weight.  He just won't eat.  He says he isn't hungry.  I've talked to all of his doctors about this and there's not much more I can do other than literally force feed him (which he won't let me do).  His neurologist put him on a new drug (which I am picking up today) which is supposed to help with his sleep and help build his appetite.  His ability to speak is becoming much more difficult however he appears to be conscious of what is going on around him and in world events.  He is slowly losing ability to care for himself as I now have to shave his face and cut his fingernails.  He can still shower and dress himself.  Unfortunately it is a disease that slowly deteriorates the brain so you never know what area is being "killed off" in any one person.  I am just trying to do my best to give him the best life I can...it's difficult.

Thanksgiving is just a week away.  We will be going shopping tomorrow to gather most of the items. It will be good for Drew to get out of the house.  I have made him stay inside due to all the snow and ice.  I do not want him falling.  This year I am not cooking an entire turkey.  I am cooking legs, thighs and breast.  Our friends Joe and Renee will be here to have dinner with us.  It's been a tradition with them now for about four or five years.  It will be a small gathering but a perfect size one this year.

Peace! - Jimmy

The Mackinac Island Trip

It's been 10 years since I've been to Mackinac Island.  It was just three months before Ray died.  I was never ready to go back...but now I am.  I made reservations about six weeks ago and Drew and I are leaving tomorrow, September 24, 2019.  We are staying three nights...returning Friday,  September 27.  Drew has never been to the Island and he is really looking forward to it.  I really wasn't wanting to spend the money but we both need a getaway and I want to do something with Drew while he is still mobile and mostly independent.  I really don't know how much longer that will last.  

Two weeks ago we found out that one of Drew's sister's (who was also suffering from Huntington's Disease) passed away.  Apparently she was "skin and bones," could no longer talk and could not eat solid food anymore.  She was four years older than Drew.  This scares me because Drew has lost so much weight and he isn't gaining any.  He is pretty much "skin and bones" right now.  No one dies "FROM" HD, they die from complications that come from having HD (falling, choking, accidents, etc.).  I feel that Drew's demise will be his weight loss.  I'm afraid his body will shut down.  As odd as it sounds I have prepared myself for this.  I know it will happen and unless I die from some freak accident Drew WILL die before me - so I have to be ready.  Of course Ray's death and aftermath prepared me for this type of thing.  Drew and I have already discussed cremation, burial site, etc.  I guess I need to ask him what type of "service" he would like.  This, of course, may be 10 years down the road but it could be months down the road - I have learned it is important to be ready!  

So, with that on mind...I'm truly looking forward to the Mackinac Island trip!  

-Jimmy

I Had A Wonderful Day

Today is a Sunday.  I am off work today.  It is an extremely windy day with gusts up to 50 and 60 miles per hour.  Small trees and branches down along the roads.  I actually had to get out of the car to move a small tree that fell across the road coming into our "estate."  I made two loaves of banana nut bread (with chocolate chips and walnuts), and a pot roast in the slow cooker.

Three days ago we picked up a brand new car.  Ever since I hit a deer in November of 2013 I've been driving around in older cars.  Nice ones, but older.  I've been so afraid of traveling any distance in case something would happen.  Just over two years ago I purchased a 2004 BMW 325xi.  It's been a great car but I knew I would only be keeping it two or three years.  I was paying off a loan I took out to pay for my insurance deductible when I had my neck surgery.  I had the equivalent of a car loan payment amount every month for three years so I've been waiting to pay it off before I had yet another payment.  I did lots of research regarding cross over vehicles (I wanted something that sits up higher than sedans as it's difficult getting in and out of low cars for a man of my height).  Drew and I went to the auto show in Grand Rapids.  We looked at the five vehicles I was interested in, sat in them, looked at pricing and narrowed it down.  We then went to Hyundai in Holland to test drive a Kona, which is really what I thought I would purchase.  Then we went to Crown Motors and looked at a Mazda CX3 and a Honda HRV.  The Honda was at the bottom of my final list of three.  I didn't even plan on driving it but the salesman was so good at what he did, the pricing was right, and my gut said "go with it"...so I did.  This was the same salesman that sold Ray and me our Mazda when we took advantage of the "cash for clunkers" back in 2009.  I was comfortable with him.  As odd as it sounds working with him and Crown Motors made me feel some type of connection to Ray.  It is so nice to drive a brand new vehicle.  I've gone through so much in my life over the last six years it feels like my life is starting to finally get together.  Let's hope it keeps moving in that direction.

So, being that I had yesterday off as well (which I normally don't have Saturday's off) I decided we needed to do a road trip in the new car.  We went to an indoor art show in Kalamazoo.  It was called a "Garage Sale Art Show."  We bought some nice things.  It was a decent show.  Too much pottery/ceramics though.  Drew bought me a beautiful vase/bowl for my birthday (which is in April).  When I saw something I liked he would ask "do you want me to buy that for your birthday?"  It was so sweet.

After the show we went to Stein Mart in Portage/Kalamazoo.  I purchased a great pair of shoes on clearance for $30 and a watch with matching bracelets for $6.  Then we went to a mall across the street to have Gyros at Olga's.  Drew asked if we could go shopping after we ate and I was happy to oblige as he hasn't had the "shopping urges" for a while.  I was glad to see he was interested in doing something.  We went into Macy's and I bought another pair of shoes for only $14!  Drew bought a pair of shoes with the money Tom sent him for his birthday.  Then he saw a "Super Dry" jacket he really liked.  He wanted to buy it.  I told him I would buy it for him for his birthday which was three days ago.  I didn't know what to get him for his birthday so I asked if he wanted gifts or dinner.  He said dinner.  So we went to Clearbrook for dinner on his birthday.  But I know he really liked this jacket so I told him I would get it for him for his birthday.

With all this...I just wanted to blog it down to remember what a fantastic day I had yesterday.  Our day trip to K-zoo was great.  I had a wonderful day.  - Jimmy