Peace

Well Mackinac Island turned out to be a perfect getaway.  I was at peace and felt like I was "at home" there.  Drew and I visited the Grand Hotel, did a carriage ride tour of the island (which Ray and I never did) and enjoyed some nice meals.  I saw the same desk clerk/manager there that was there every time Ray and I visited.  She has been there close to 20 plus years now.

Tomorrow starts the beginning of the "anniversaries."  It was 10 years ago tomorrow Ray was diagnosed with cancer.  Usually at this time of year the anxieties and dread fill my body.  This year is truly different.  In the past I have blogged about being "at peace" and "being good" but right now I feel a complete level of peace and satisfaction in my life.  It's hard to explain.  I hardly ever cry (or even tear up) about my loss.  I am comfortable about who "I AM" and have accepted so much about where I am in life right now.  I am happy with ME.

And then there is Drew's Huntington's Disease (HD).  This will inevitably kill him but we are doing all we can to stave it off.  We have numerous appointments with professionals, constantly refill and update medications, and try to safeguard him.  For me it's pretty much close to a full time job.  My biggest concern right now is his weight.  He just won't eat.  He says he isn't hungry.  I've talked to all of his doctors about this and there's not much more I can do other than literally force feed him (which he won't let me do).  His neurologist put him on a new drug (which I am picking up today) which is supposed to help with his sleep and help build his appetite.  His ability to speak is becoming much more difficult however he appears to be conscious of what is going on around him and in world events.  He is slowly losing ability to care for himself as I now have to shave his face and cut his fingernails.  He can still shower and dress himself.  Unfortunately it is a disease that slowly deteriorates the brain so you never know what area is being "killed off" in any one person.  I am just trying to do my best to give him the best life I can...it's difficult.

Thanksgiving is just a week away.  We will be going shopping tomorrow to gather most of the items. It will be good for Drew to get out of the house.  I have made him stay inside due to all the snow and ice.  I do not want him falling.  This year I am not cooking an entire turkey.  I am cooking legs, thighs and breast.  Our friends Joe and Renee will be here to have dinner with us.  It's been a tradition with them now for about four or five years.  It will be a small gathering but a perfect size one this year.

Peace! - Jimmy