He Is In Control - Not me

Ray having lunch at The Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island - September 2008

Well, I had my massage this afternoon.  Oh my gosh, I feel so much better.  Now I'm sitting on the front porch posting in my blog.

I've been doing a LOT of sitting on the front porch this year.  It all started last year and has become progressively worse this year.  When I say "worse" I just mean I do it more often.  For years I NEVER sat on the porch in the afternoon.  I had too much to "do."  There was always something I had to get done.  Now, I stop and smell the roses.  I truly appreciate things more, and one of those things I really appreciate is my nice front porch.  I love to read a book out here, nap, relax and watch the cars go by, talk with guests, or write in my blog.  

It's so amazing how a life changing situation truly changes your life.  I'm beginning to think I have a new purpose in life.  I have no idea what it is yet, but I'm starting to feel like maybe I want to keep living.  I would never, ever commit suicide.  However, I have been thinking lately that I really don't care if I died tomorrow...or today for that matter.  Again, no intentions of ending my life, just really not caring if I lived or not.  Now I think I there is something in store for me.  That feeling may change at the drop of a hat too.  My ups and downs you know.

I've really been tempted to make a trip up to Mackinac Island this September.  Ray and I did if for years.  But...I don't think so.  I am not ready for that yet.  It's just that I miss that trip so much...it just wouldn't be the same.  I want to relive things thinking it will bring me good memories, but it doesn't, it just makes me sad that Ray is not with me to share in it.  

Friedl has been back in town for almost a week.  She stayed here three nights since her condo was rented those nights.  She might stay here this weekend too if her place gets rented.  I've missed her so much.  She had us over for dinner on Sunday night.  It was like "old times."  She has been in Vienna for two months.  I'll tell you, when we are together neither of us can shut up.  We talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.  

I've had a great summer (business-wise) now let's just hope it carries on into the fall and winter.  I can't make it if those months "poop out" on me.  I'm trusting God.  He is in control, not me. - Jimmy