These Are My Thoughts Today

My journey.  The other day I was reading my blog from January and February of 2010.  I know I've said this over and over and over...but I never thought I would ever have come this far.  Again, my biggest suggestion to someone who is grieving...write a journal.  Even if it is just for yourself, or a blog you want to share.  The importance of this comes when you are able to go and look back.  You can see the progress you've made.  That is, if you let the progress happen.  If you fight the progress you sure won't heal.

One of the things my grief counselor told me was that one day I would look at pictures of Ray or think of memories of him and smile, not cry.  I, of course, thought she was absolutely nuts, although I never told her that.  Yesterday I was thinking about a story about Ray and it made me smile real big.  It's a silly story but it reminded my how much Ray didn't really "get out."  We went to Macy's (the old Hudson's) in December of 2008.  We split up at the mall to go Christmas shopping for each other.  When we finished and met up he said "did you know Hudson's/Macy's doesn't have a toy department any more?"  I laughed so hard.  I told his they haven't had a toy department in years.  He was thinking of the old Eastland Hudson's and how it had a toy department in the basement.  I knew Ray so well I figured out what he wanted to buy me for Christmas...a train set.  I was right.  There are too many stories over our 20 years together that I was able to figure it out.  I won't bore you and share them all here.  Anyway, I thought of this story yesterday morning and just smiled real big.

Tom went with me last night to pick up Friedl and her sister Uli.  They got in at 9:30 p.m.  We met them at the end of the gate/security area and helped with their bags.  I had left a bottle of wine chilling in her fridge so they could have a of glass or two when they got in the house.  Plus, I had a little dinner ready to go.  I was soooo tired from the busy weekend but we ate and I finally got home and went to bed about 1:30 a.m.!  I slept like a rock.

Today is a gorgous, sunny day.  Temps in the low 60's.  I will try to get some outdoor stuff done today.  Tom will help me with that.  Then I have guests checking in this afternoon.  Tomorrow I will take Tom back to Chicago and spend a couple days there with Drew.  He's coming back with me Thursday because he wants to be here for the big Halloween parade in Douglas this weekend.  It's at 10:00 p.m. on Saturday and it is the adult celebration.  So, neeedless to say, the costumes are amazing.  I can never think of anything to wear on Halloween, then I see all these creative costumes and wonder why I didn't think of that. 

I talked on the phone last night with Ray's sister Susie.  She was really missing her brother and wanted someone to talk to.  I know what that's like.  Sometimes you just need to talk...that's all.  She seemed to feel better after we chatted. 

These are my thoughts today. - Jimmy