My first Memorial Day off in 15 years. As I drove home from work last night I stopped at SuperValu to see if Drew wanted to stop at Wild Dog for a drink after he got out of work. I parked in the lot and stared at Kirby House. It was all dark. A sad sight from the three decades of lights, activity, people coming and going - ALIVE! As hard as I tried I couldn't get sentimental about it. It was as if I really wanted to cry. I stared and thought of the 15 years of living there...trying to get a tear, but I couldn't. Maybe because I had so many fantastic memories of living there how could I be sad about it. It was a wonderful time in my life, and it was time to move on. I wish it was under different circumstances. It was Ray and my goal to sell it at some point...make some money (ha ha!) and retired. Leaving the old "Painted Lady" in good hands. Alas, that didn't happen. How I/we wanted it to happen didn't come about - but it was time for me to move on.
I prayed and prayed to God that business would come back to what it was, allowing me to hold on until I could sell it. Then I realized that I was praying for what "I" wanted and that wasn't God's plan. I started to pray for God's will. I would take walks and pray as I walked. I would tell God what "I" wanted but then said to him "...although this is what I want I must trust that you may have other plans for me, so I pray for your will and ask for your strength and guidance through it." I am believing to this day that my circumstances must be part of God's plan for my future. I still have big things to get through and I worry about things still. I'm believing this life situation right now will give me the strenght for God's future plans for me. Working out is not fun (for most of us), the dread of going to the gym, the pain, the sweat, the aches afterwards, but that is what makes us strong. (Although most people feel this way, some LOVE the paid, sweat and aches...not me!) So, here I am wondering...just wondering, what does God have in store for me? I am in that hallway between two doors...my past and my future. I know I am NOT where God intends me to be, but I'm walking the long hallway ready to open that new door.
I have the day off today. Drew is working. I am enjoying the peace and quiet alone time! Even Jesus needed to be alone. When he was being demanded upon by his disciples and the crowds he left for the dessert to be alone. We all that time to just be along, no one needing us. Time to reflect. It's nice to do that today.
I think Ray would be proud of me. Having the strength to move on. Being able to actually cook real food. My performance at my new job! By the way (yes, to brag) I am #3 of the top five on my team of 30 people for customer satisfaction. (This is from a survey emailed to guests/customers after I have handled a situation for them. The only reason I am not #1 is because two people weren't satisfied with the outcome...something I had no control over.) My performance is 7.9, which a 5.5 is the required minimum. I like to challenge myself to be the best I can in anything I do. Being "average" is not me!
One of the best feelings I have in my new life is that when I am off of work...I am truly off of work. No calls at home, no late check-ins, and I don't have to be "ON" 24/7. I also love my new hours. No having to get up early!
Well, those are my thoughts for today! Happy Memorial Day! - Jimmy
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