I'm On My Way to Feeling Better

Here it is, December 14 and no snow yet this year.  Personally I am so happy about that.  Especially since I have to wear this awful neck brace I don't have to worry as much about snow and ice when walking.

I've been having a bad time lately with my depression and anxiety.  Each day I think to myself that I'll just get through it, tomorrow will be better.  I made a decision (without checking with my doctor) to quit taking my depression and anxiety medications earlier this year.  When I talked to him at my summer check up he seemed to be ok with my decision as long as I was doing well.  I seemed to be.

However, the last three months my depression has increased and I don't seem to be able to get rid of it.  I know all the right things to tell myself...I have a lot to be thankful for, I have a loving family, I have a loving partner, I have a nice place to live, on and on.  It doesn't make a difference.  I have this pit in my stomach the moment I wake up.  I dread getting out of bed (or the couch for now during my recovery).  It was so bad on Thursday I couldn't go into work.  I was a "mess."  I called my doctor's office and got in touch with a nurse working the phone bank.  I explained my situation and she asked me if I was considering suicide and I replied "no."  I said "...but I really don't care if I live nor not."  She told me to go to the Emergency Room immediately.  My personal doctor's nurse even followed up with a call to ensure I was going.

When I got to the Emergency Room I told them I felt like an idiot (taking up valuable time for something that I didn't see as an Emergency Room situation) but my doctor's office told me to come in.  The nurse said "It's good you listened to your doctor."  I was put in a room that had absolutely NOTHING but a bed in it.  A television was on the wall covered by plexi-glass as well as a very noticeable camera in the ceiling corner.  They had to bring a chair in for Drew.  Obviously this room was so sparse so that whoever is in it couldn't use something to harm themselves or others.  I spent time talking to a doctor who did a physical on me, then I spent quite a bit of time with a social worker.  She advised me to get in touch with my doctor to get my depressant medication refilled and to schedule an appointment with him just to follow up.  I have started the medication again, but it takes two weeks to really start taking affect in my system.  I am on day 5.  I see my doctor tomorrow.

In addition to her diagnosis of clinical depression, the social worker said I am also being hit with the time of year of the loss of my love, it's also the time of year that "seasonal affect disorder" takes place and (after our fact finding discussion) I'm at the age of a "mid-life" crisis.  So I've really been hit hard with a lot of stuff.

I feel better just having gone for help and knowing I'm not nuts (well I guess a little - thus the medication).  I just couldn't take it anymore last Thursday and knew I needed to do something and get help.

I'm on my way to feeling better - emotionally and physically.  - Jimmy