I awake this morning with mixed feelings. It is a fantastic, beautiful sunny morning here in West Michigan. The fog on the Kalamazoo marsh as the sun rises is mystical. It's a Saturday morning in July and I can sleep in! But guess what? I wake at 6:30 a.m. ....and think!
I was leaving work last night walking with my new friend Amy. As we past a young man sitting at his workstation I said to Amy "He's cute." She said "JIM!" I replied "What?" She said "he looks like Ray." I hadn't realized it but she was right. A very young Ray by the way. But he sure did have his features.
So, I start thinking about my Ray this morning. Tears came to my eyes as I thought about caring for him in the hospital and how I would never have any idea that he would have died three weeks later. My life changed in an instant. I tried so hard to "make it work" at the Kirby House over the next three years. It just wasn't the same. No matter how much awesome help I got, it wasn't the same for me. And, as the economy hit the tourism business hard it all fell apart. I could no longer "hold on." I had to move on. The last few days I spent at the Kirby House I felt so overwhelmed and emotional that my stomach would get so upset I would throw up. I had to get a prescription to prevent it. It was then (in early March) I told Drew we needed to move into the apartment. I had to get out and "live" somewhere else. I decided to go to "work" at the Kirby house four hours a day to pack up and move. Then I would come "home." To my new home.
A couple months ago Drew and I went to the Kirby House and clipped some Lilacs and walked through the yard. The grass was well overgrown. Already getting unkempt. It was sad to see, but I had no one emotional feeling of a tie to the house. After 15 years I didn't feel like I could go and just walk in the door. It was no longer ours...mine. It never was. It was our business. We were the current caretakers. I try to no long pass by and look. I have to move on.
Three years went by after Ray's death and I had this whirlwind of not knowing who "I" was. I had been "Jim and Ray" for 21 years. Half of my life. All of my adult life. I had to formulate back into who Jim was. But, who was I? What did I like. Not what did we like. I had to make all the final decisions on what to do. There was no partner/husband to consult with and talk it over. It has been a very challenging three years. I'm starting to get there, but it's all new again!
New. I'm living in a new place. I have a new job. I have a new dog. I have a new routine. I feel guilty when I'm off work because I feel like I should get up and work. Plus, I have a (somewhat) new partner. These things are coming in paces that make it a little easier to adjust to. First there was Drew. Then new home. Then new dog, then new job. Just getting into the new job routine has been a challenge for me. Seeing where I fit in with 800 other employees just here in Grand Rapids, 4,000 around the world.
My life is starting to fit in though. There are bumps along the way, but I'm getting into a routine. That is good for me. I haven't had "routine" in a long time. I like it. I start work at 2:00 p.m. I am home by 11:22 p.m. I make a drink and sit and watch "How I Met Your Mother." One more drink and flip through the TV until I am too tired to stay up. I get to sleep in before I start my next day. I have Saturdays and Sundays off. This is my third month of this routine, so It's starting to fit me. - Jimmy
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Cheers!
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| My mom...wearing my hat. |
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| My brother and sister-in-law; Rich and Pam |
I spent the weekend in Detroit visiting my family. The primary reason for my visit was to celebrate my brother Richard's 50th birthday. For 15 years I have not been able to get together with my family during the summer...and NEVER on a weekend. (Other than for funerals.) This was such a treat for me! It was truly like old times. Drew and I left Friday evening and had a great time visiting with my mom. On Saturday we visited my sister and family at their new home in Harrison Township. Then my mom, Drew and I went shopping. Big Lots, Dollar Tree and Aldi...all "high end" stores! Saturday night my sister-in-law had a great gathering with a wonderful spread of food!
The weather outside today is beautiful. Harley will not want to come in from his walk. I will be working, of course. I am getting so much more comfortable with my job. It is very demanding and accuracy is imperative. It is quite interesting talking to people from all over the world. I will say this...American's are CHEAP and DEMANDING! I love the Australians! When I see a call pop up and it says "Australia" I am so happy. I know they will be cheerful, polite, thankful and courteous.
I have great conversations during the day with my co-worker, Amy, who sits next to me. She really "get's me." We actually have a lot in common regarding our beliefs, our humor, our attitudes, etc. We've made up a silly thing for Friday's...it's "Show and Tell" day. Just something to break the monotony of being on the phone. We've also decided to do "Christmas in July." I'm getting to know more people and feel a bit more at home. It's starting to become a routine. I will just be so glad when my bankruptcy is over and I will feel like I can now move on with my life.
Well, gotta go, Harley needs a walk! As the Australians say when they hang the phone up "CHEERS!" - Jimmy
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Everybody Is Now Really Getting Along!
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| Wiley resting on his chair. He will be 17 in a couple weeks! |
My buddy Wiley is in the picture above. When Ray and I got him and his sister (Amity) we had just purchased our condo in Saugatuck/Douglas (as our second home-we were still living in Royal Oak). As a joke Ray said "Let's name them Wiley and Amity" (which were the corner street names of where our condo was). We assummed it was a temporary joke. We decided to call them that until we picked real/better names. Well, they stuck. Amity died almost three years ago from pancreatic cancer. Wiley seems to be doing very well.
My new job is going well. I am finally starting to get used to a routine schedule. There was nothing routine over the last 15 years. So that has been a big change for me. I sit for eight hours a day handling customer and hotel calls from places ALL over the WORLD! I deal with different languages, accents, cultural beliefs, attitudes, currency, etc. One minute I may be talking to a guest in Oklahoma and the next second Istanbul. It sure keeps you on your toes...well, while you're sitting down.
Today is Ray's sister Marguerite's birthday. Happy Birthday Gully! Ray named her "Gully." An explanation I will not get into.
This is the newest baby. "Harley Quinn Davidson." He's a great boy and everybody is now really getting along. - Jimmy
Monday, May 27, 2013
Happy Memorial Day!
My first Memorial Day off in 15 years. As I drove home from work last night I stopped at SuperValu to see if Drew wanted to stop at Wild Dog for a drink after he got out of work. I parked in the lot and stared at Kirby House. It was all dark. A sad sight from the three decades of lights, activity, people coming and going - ALIVE! As hard as I tried I couldn't get sentimental about it. It was as if I really wanted to cry. I stared and thought of the 15 years of living there...trying to get a tear, but I couldn't. Maybe because I had so many fantastic memories of living there how could I be sad about it. It was a wonderful time in my life, and it was time to move on. I wish it was under different circumstances. It was Ray and my goal to sell it at some point...make some money (ha ha!) and retired. Leaving the old "Painted Lady" in good hands. Alas, that didn't happen. How I/we wanted it to happen didn't come about - but it was time for me to move on.
I prayed and prayed to God that business would come back to what it was, allowing me to hold on until I could sell it. Then I realized that I was praying for what "I" wanted and that wasn't God's plan. I started to pray for God's will. I would take walks and pray as I walked. I would tell God what "I" wanted but then said to him "...although this is what I want I must trust that you may have other plans for me, so I pray for your will and ask for your strength and guidance through it." I am believing to this day that my circumstances must be part of God's plan for my future. I still have big things to get through and I worry about things still. I'm believing this life situation right now will give me the strenght for God's future plans for me. Working out is not fun (for most of us), the dread of going to the gym, the pain, the sweat, the aches afterwards, but that is what makes us strong. (Although most people feel this way, some LOVE the paid, sweat and aches...not me!) So, here I am wondering...just wondering, what does God have in store for me? I am in that hallway between two doors...my past and my future. I know I am NOT where God intends me to be, but I'm walking the long hallway ready to open that new door.
I have the day off today. Drew is working. I am enjoying the peace and quiet alone time! Even Jesus needed to be alone. When he was being demanded upon by his disciples and the crowds he left for the dessert to be alone. We all that time to just be along, no one needing us. Time to reflect. It's nice to do that today.
I think Ray would be proud of me. Having the strength to move on. Being able to actually cook real food. My performance at my new job! By the way (yes, to brag) I am #3 of the top five on my team of 30 people for customer satisfaction. (This is from a survey emailed to guests/customers after I have handled a situation for them. The only reason I am not #1 is because two people weren't satisfied with the outcome...something I had no control over.) My performance is 7.9, which a 5.5 is the required minimum. I like to challenge myself to be the best I can in anything I do. Being "average" is not me!
One of the best feelings I have in my new life is that when I am off of work...I am truly off of work. No calls at home, no late check-ins, and I don't have to be "ON" 24/7. I also love my new hours. No having to get up early!
Well, those are my thoughts for today! Happy Memorial Day! - Jimmy
I prayed and prayed to God that business would come back to what it was, allowing me to hold on until I could sell it. Then I realized that I was praying for what "I" wanted and that wasn't God's plan. I started to pray for God's will. I would take walks and pray as I walked. I would tell God what "I" wanted but then said to him "...although this is what I want I must trust that you may have other plans for me, so I pray for your will and ask for your strength and guidance through it." I am believing to this day that my circumstances must be part of God's plan for my future. I still have big things to get through and I worry about things still. I'm believing this life situation right now will give me the strenght for God's future plans for me. Working out is not fun (for most of us), the dread of going to the gym, the pain, the sweat, the aches afterwards, but that is what makes us strong. (Although most people feel this way, some LOVE the paid, sweat and aches...not me!) So, here I am wondering...just wondering, what does God have in store for me? I am in that hallway between two doors...my past and my future. I know I am NOT where God intends me to be, but I'm walking the long hallway ready to open that new door.
I have the day off today. Drew is working. I am enjoying the peace and quiet alone time! Even Jesus needed to be alone. When he was being demanded upon by his disciples and the crowds he left for the dessert to be alone. We all that time to just be along, no one needing us. Time to reflect. It's nice to do that today.
I think Ray would be proud of me. Having the strength to move on. Being able to actually cook real food. My performance at my new job! By the way (yes, to brag) I am #3 of the top five on my team of 30 people for customer satisfaction. (This is from a survey emailed to guests/customers after I have handled a situation for them. The only reason I am not #1 is because two people weren't satisfied with the outcome...something I had no control over.) My performance is 7.9, which a 5.5 is the required minimum. I like to challenge myself to be the best I can in anything I do. Being "average" is not me!
One of the best feelings I have in my new life is that when I am off of work...I am truly off of work. No calls at home, no late check-ins, and I don't have to be "ON" 24/7. I also love my new hours. No having to get up early!
Well, those are my thoughts for today! Happy Memorial Day! - Jimmy
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Enjoy!
Wow, time flies. I can't believe it's been this long since I've blogged. I've been so busy with work and the "new home." In fact, yesterday I cut the lawn for the first time. The weather this year has been awesome for May. The best in years. This must have been the perfect winter, everything is blooming just perfectly! The colors of the blooms on the trees are amazing!
A couple years ago I had a guest stay at the Kirby House with a friend. They were enjoying wine and appetizers on the front porch. They invited Drew and me to partake. One of the dips they had was delicious. It was a "Salmon Mousse." Now I am NOT a big fan of salmon, let alone canned salmon, but this stuff was to die for. She share the recipe and everyone who has tried it has loved it. This is one of those perfect appetizers you can make that is so easy and people will think you are a true "foodie."
Salmon Mousse
I'm also not a fan of Blue Cheese as well. But if you put just a little bit in it does work.
Well, I'm off to make this recipe for dinner tonight. Enjoy! - Jimmy
A couple years ago I had a guest stay at the Kirby House with a friend. They were enjoying wine and appetizers on the front porch. They invited Drew and me to partake. One of the dips they had was delicious. It was a "Salmon Mousse." Now I am NOT a big fan of salmon, let alone canned salmon, but this stuff was to die for. She share the recipe and everyone who has tried it has loved it. This is one of those perfect appetizers you can make that is so easy and people will think you are a true "foodie."
Salmon Mousse
- 1 can Alaskan pink salmon
- 1 jar Kraft® Old English Cheese (located by the Velveeta)
- 1 8oz block cream cheese, softened
- Blue Cheese Crumbles (to your taste-optional)
I'm also not a fan of Blue Cheese as well. But if you put just a little bit in it does work.
Well, I'm off to make this recipe for dinner tonight. Enjoy! - Jimmy
Sunday, May 5, 2013
So Here It Is
It's Sunday afternoon. 2:00 p.m. I took Drew to work at 9:00 a.m. and came home and went right back to bed. Other than getting up here and there, I have been in bed until now. It's nice to get an actual "day of rest."
The other morning I ran some errands before work. It felt "odd but liberating." When running the Kirby House I ALWAYS had the business on the back of my mind. Constant planning, organizing, keeping my mind on who was checking in and who was checking out. I always felt that if I was out running errands I had to get back to make sure everything was "ok" at the house. Now I was out and about and didn't have to think about anything else except what I had to do. Work is work now. When I am gone it is all MY time. I still have my worries about the bills I owe, the guest's I have to give refunds to yet. Where will my money come from? That I have to take a day at a time.
Tonight Friedl is having Drew, Tom, Mary Philp, and me over for dinner. I am making a corn bread casserole recipe from Paul Dean. It is super easy to make, check and DELICIOUS! I brought a pan of it to work on Friday. We had a potluck for our "zone" and everyone brought a dish. This got rave reveiws. So here it is.
Corn Casserole
The other morning I ran some errands before work. It felt "odd but liberating." When running the Kirby House I ALWAYS had the business on the back of my mind. Constant planning, organizing, keeping my mind on who was checking in and who was checking out. I always felt that if I was out running errands I had to get back to make sure everything was "ok" at the house. Now I was out and about and didn't have to think about anything else except what I had to do. Work is work now. When I am gone it is all MY time. I still have my worries about the bills I owe, the guest's I have to give refunds to yet. Where will my money come from? That I have to take a day at a time.
Tonight Friedl is having Drew, Tom, Mary Philp, and me over for dinner. I am making a corn bread casserole recipe from Paul Dean. It is super easy to make, check and DELICIOUS! I brought a pan of it to work on Friday. We had a potluck for our "zone" and everyone brought a dish. This got rave reveiws. So here it is.
Corn Casserole
Ingredients
- 1 (15 1/4-ounce) can whole kernel corn, drained
- 1 (14 3/4-ounce) can cream-style corn
- 1 (8-ounce) package corn muffin mix (recommended: Jiffy)
- 1 cup sour cream
- 1/2 stick butter, melted
- 1 to 1 1/2 cups shredded Cheddar
Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
In a large bowl, stir together the 2 cans of corn, corn muffin mix, sour cream, and melted butter. Pour into a greased 9 by 13-inch casserole dish. Bake for 45 minutes, or until golden brown. Remove from oven and top with Cheddar. Return to oven for 5 to 10 minutes, or until cheese is melted. Let stand for at least 5 minutes and then serve warm.
In a large bowl, stir together the 2 cans of corn, corn muffin mix, sour cream, and melted butter. Pour into a greased 9 by 13-inch casserole dish. Bake for 45 minutes, or until golden brown. Remove from oven and top with Cheddar. Return to oven for 5 to 10 minutes, or until cheese is melted. Let stand for at least 5 minutes and then serve warm.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Gotta Get To Work
Wow, over a month since I wrote in my blog. I officially started "on the floor" April 1st. (At Boooking.com). It's been a whirlwind! Lot's to learn even after training. It's going good so far.
Ray's sisters, Marguerite and Grace stopped by yesterday for a brief visit. It was so nice to see both of them together. I wish we could have had more time but Grace had to get back to Detroit and return a pick-up she borrowed. She purchased the old pump organ from me.
The weather is getting so nice out. Drew and I spent some time this weekend doing yard work. Took Harley for a nice long walk. Went to Tom and Mary's for dinner last night. It was a great weekend.
I don't really have any sentimental feelings as I drive past Kirby House. Ray and I always knew it was a step to our next venture in life. We always felt it as hour temporary home, a place that was our home but mosty our business. I guess it never really felt like "our home." It felt as if we were the current caretakers. It was supposed to be our investment for our retirement. Who knew the financial crisis would hurt so many people and it trickled down to us three and a half years ago. The only reason I could keep up the Kirby House for another three years was because of life insurance. I just kept hoping the economy would pick up. It didn't pick up quick enough and I dumped everything into it I could until everything ran out. Kinda sucks! No, it really sucks, but as Ray would always tell me..."don't worry there is nothing you can do about it." That's easy to say until it really hits this bad.
My emotions still have to be kept in check. I've had huge life changing events in the last four months. Moving out, moving into a new place, getting a new job, signing the house over to the bank, and now trying to get my personal bankruptcy going. Each one of these is a huge emotional undertaking. So, there are many days I just feel exhausted from my emotions.
Well, I've got to get to work. - Chow, Jimmy
Ray's sisters, Marguerite and Grace stopped by yesterday for a brief visit. It was so nice to see both of them together. I wish we could have had more time but Grace had to get back to Detroit and return a pick-up she borrowed. She purchased the old pump organ from me.
The weather is getting so nice out. Drew and I spent some time this weekend doing yard work. Took Harley for a nice long walk. Went to Tom and Mary's for dinner last night. It was a great weekend.
I don't really have any sentimental feelings as I drive past Kirby House. Ray and I always knew it was a step to our next venture in life. We always felt it as hour temporary home, a place that was our home but mosty our business. I guess it never really felt like "our home." It felt as if we were the current caretakers. It was supposed to be our investment for our retirement. Who knew the financial crisis would hurt so many people and it trickled down to us three and a half years ago. The only reason I could keep up the Kirby House for another three years was because of life insurance. I just kept hoping the economy would pick up. It didn't pick up quick enough and I dumped everything into it I could until everything ran out. Kinda sucks! No, it really sucks, but as Ray would always tell me..."don't worry there is nothing you can do about it." That's easy to say until it really hits this bad.
My emotions still have to be kept in check. I've had huge life changing events in the last four months. Moving out, moving into a new place, getting a new job, signing the house over to the bank, and now trying to get my personal bankruptcy going. Each one of these is a huge emotional undertaking. So, there are many days I just feel exhausted from my emotions.
Well, I've got to get to work. - Chow, Jimmy
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