How do I start to explain my thoughts today? I just went up to the "fourth floor" to give the cats some water. I looked at the room and saw things Ray had placed there when he cleaned it up last year. He was trying to make it look more cozy. Then I thought....how can he be gone? It is so wierd. I live my life. I have accepted his loss, but sometimes it is so unbelievable. A person so full of life and such a huge part of my life is gone in an instant.
As I've said before, I am so regretful for taking his presence in my life for granted. After we were together for so many years I just took for granted the fact that he was there and didn't "REALLY" appreciate everything about him. It is so easy to do. I just accepted the false reality that he would be there until we got real old and we were prepared for death. I will never do that about anybody again. I'm not saying that I will go around with the thought that everybody around me may die tomorrow, but I won't take people's presence in my life for granted. I want to appreciate everything about the people in my life. Why didn't I learn this lesson sooner? I look at pictures of Ray and just want to be with him one more time. To say a proper good-bye. That is impossible I know, but I do know that Ray was a positive influence on my life. I love him. - Jimmy
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