How Much More I Would Have Enjoyed Life

Today I heard someone say "if you feel pain you know you are alive."  This was someone who went through a very major surgery and woke feeling pain.  It's true.  If you feel pain, you know you are alive. 

There are many things that make you know you are alive.  Smell is one of those things.  The things I smell remind me most of past experiences.  Most of those wonderful.  A hot, humid mid-summer night...I take a deep inhale and it reminds me of summer vacations with the family when I was a child.  The smell of the inside cabinets of my (built in) dining room buffet smells like the front coat closet at my grandma's house.  And during the summertime, even the faint smell of a cigarette far away makes me think of being at a summer fair when I was little.  There is a farm near hear that I pass when going to and from Holland.  One time my mom was with me when we passed it.  I proclaimed, "Yuck!  That cow manure stinks!"  As to which my mom replied "I love that smell, it makes me think of spending the summer at my grandpa's farm." 

Touch makes you know you are alive.  One of the things I have missed most with Ray's passing is the cuddling we did in bed before or after sleep.  I have that now again with Drew in my life.  Maybe that is one of the reasons I feel so alive again.  Human touch has such a healing power.

When the woman who woke with pain stated how it made her know she was are alive she realized that the pain was better than the alternative.  I've take so much for granted in my life.  It's a shame I didn't have the life experiences in my 20's that I do know.  How much more I would have enjoyed life.  -  Jimmy