Music. I've written about this before. I have a hard time listening to songs from the past. Music has always played an important role in my life. I can hear a song and tell you when it was popular and what was going on in my life at the time. So, when I hear songs from the 21 years Ray and I were together I can get very emotional. New songs don't bother me, they don't bring back any memories of Ray. Today I was in my car and listening to a song which was popular when we were living in Royal Oak. I teared up so hard. I pictured us living in Royal Oak and me coming home from the store, the sun shining and Ray working in the yard. It seemed like a simpler life. I know it wasn't. At the time we had struggles, hardships, jobs, bills, etc. But when I look back it just seems so much more simple. Today I wanted that time back. I wanted to escape to 1995 and be living in Royal Oak with everything "normal."
Restaurants. These too are challenging to me. When I've gone with Drew to restaurants that Ray and I frequented I have a difficult time. Everyday People Cafe is the worst. I do good at Clearbrook and Wild Dog. Ray and I ate there too, but not often. So there are dim memories. The new restaurants Drew and I have been going to in Grand Rapids have no sentimental meaning to me, so I can be just perfect. No hang ups I guess.
Dinner. I'm back to eating dinner alone. Drew is in Chicago, Marguerite is in Detroit and Friedl and I are taking a break. Last night I was going to make dinner for Friedl and invited Marguerite. They both ended up not wanting to eat. So, I thawed one of Ray's last Thanksgiving dinners he made in 2009. To be honest, it was horrible. It was in the freezer so long it just didn't have any great flavor. However, I enjoyed it. I ate it knowing he made this dinner with his own hands and even packged it up for the freezer with his own hands. Tonight I think I will make the ribs I bought for last night's dinner. I'll just have tons of left overs.
Friends. As I always say, I am so thankful for my friends. Yesterday I was sitting on the front porch and Tony and Kelly stopped by. They said they saw me sitting here and pulled in. How nice is that? It's nice to have such great friends who keep tabs on me. My friend Candy keeps tabs on me to see how I'm doing and keep a fire under me about writing in my blog. I've been surrounded by so many people that it seems kind of odd tonight to be home alone (except for the guests...who are not here now either). - Jimmy
No comments:
Post a Comment