Well, I did it! I've made it through the first summer without Ray. Actually, tomorrow will be the official day, but it's close enough. I am approaching tomorrow with a lot of fear. I can feel a build up of emotions within me. I'm very nervous about how I will be feeling. I am somewhat sick to my stomach. After all our guests would leave on Labor Day we would say "they're all gone...we made it through another summer!" Most Labor Days we would then just veg out and enjoy each other's private company...even skinny dip in the pool (mainly just because we could since no one else was here). I a going to miss that very much! I've been doing real good, but tomorrow is going to be a rough day for me once everyone is gone.
Marguerite has been a God-send. The guests love her and many have said she is a "perfect fit for the Kirby House." It would have been a tougher sumer for me if she hadn't been here. The trip to Key West (in 22 days) is one way of saying "thank you" for all her work and support.
Today is a sunny, beautiful day. Just perfect. Nice cool breeze. I have the front door wide open so that fresh air can pass through the house.
I watched a video of Ray this morning. It was from about 1992 or 1993. Sometimes I wonder if having pictures and videos are nice or if it would be better to not have any (like before cameras were invented). Sometimes I think that having these media options makes it harder to move on. It's too easy to see and hear your loved one alive and so you want to keep holding on. I am glad I have them, but I don't know if they help the grieving process or hurt it.
These are my thoughts today. - Jimmy
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