Empty

I feel empty today.  In spite of being around a ton of active middle school kids today (subbing) I felt so alone.  Even here with Marguerite I feel empty.  Like my soul just keeps shutting down.  So much of my love is leaving me.  I have just been lonely, empty, sick today.  That is how I feel.  I know people may not want to hear that, but it's how I feel.

I feel so bad for Wiley.  (By the way, Wiley is Amity's brother.)  He knows things are not normal.  Today when I was subbing Marguerite said she hear Wiley in my apartment crying to come out.  He was lonely I'm sure.  She said he wandered around the first floor "crying."  I will sleep with him on the third floor tonight to give him some sense of normalcy.  Last night we slept on the first floor.

I am sure I will heal again.  It just seems like the minute my scab starts to heal over it is ripped off yet again.  I miss Amity.  I miss Ray.  I miss my brother who died three years ago and my father who died fifteen years ago.  I have had so many friends lose parents this year it has been just a terrible year.  It can't get worse....can it?!  Rambling thoughts...I know.  - Jimmy