Thursday, October 7, 2010

Missing

I had grief counseling yesterday.  I was too long overdue.  I hadn't been there since late August.  It's a good release for me because I can really share what's on my mind with a professional and not worry about freaking family and friends out about my thoughts. 

I've been having a hard time lately.  I miss Ray more than ever.  I think in the beginning I was in shock, grief, mourning, alone, pain, uncertainty, etc.  Now, while I'm still in grief, I am beginning to really, really miss him.  It's been nine months and I miss him so much.  My life is so changed and most times I really hate that.  I hate that this happened.  I hate that Ray had to suffer, that he had to die so young.  I hate that he is gone from me. 

Amity seems to be doing well.  I must have had some 24 hour bug today, so I laid in bed a lot of the time.  Amity laid there right on top of me.  She was in her glory.

I sub 1/2 a day tomorrow for sixth grade in Holland.  First time subbing since May.  Wish me luck.  - Jimmy

1 comment:

  1. HI Honey!
    I'll think of you tomorrow while you sub for sixth grade. They're not too bad though at that age. Good Luck!!!
    I understand how you feel. I would feel the same way if it was me. Hopefully, in time you will feel better.
    If you ever need to talk, call us.
    Hugs as always,
    Karen

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