Feeling Refreshed

Well, I slept a little better last night.  Didn't wake up till 6:15 a.m.  I feel well rested.  My mind feels clear.  I guess I will still have my ups and downs for a while.

I visited Ray's grave yesterday (as I do most days).  I got very emotional driving home.  I was thinking that I just wanted him home...yet how out of control I was of making that happen.  I need those releases.  Maybe that is why my mind is clear today.  I need to let the tears flow so I can get the release I need.

I cleaned the apartment a little again yesterday.  Yes, I threw out Ray's electric toothbrush.  No one can know what a HUGE step that was for me.  The day I saw it for the first time after he died I broke into a huge emotional cry.  Crazy, but I did.  I don't think anyone can know how I feel unless they have lost the same loss as me.  This weekend we had a guest that stayed with us who lost her partner of 25 years to cancer this last May.  We shared a small conversation and the thoughts, feelings and experiences we both had seemed identical.  Maybe it's time I get involved in a group grief counseling session. 

Today I'll finish cleaning the apartment, try to defrost the refrigerator/freezer in the pantry and finish up some laundry.  I am going to dinner tonight with Tony and Kelly to a friend of theirs.  Tomorrow I will take Marguerite to the doctor and then go to Grand Rapids with Friedl.  Tomorrow night I will pick up Karelen and Drew from the train station in Holland.  Very busy day tomorrow. 

I am feeling refreshed this morning.  - Jimmy