I Will Never Grow

Up early yet again.  I haven't changed my clock in the bedroom from daylight savings time...so I thought it was 6:40 a.m., but it was 5:40 a.m.  I thought 6:40 was an "ok" time to get up, but whew....this is too early, especially since I don't have to get get up. 

My mind whirls.  I think about EVERYTHING and it keeps me up.  So, why not just get out of bed rather than lay there miserable.  I've checked my email, facebook and subbing jobs.  There was a PE job available today, but it was in a district I'm not registered for.  I don't know why those jobs keep showing up.  I'll have to contact them and see what's up with that!

I had a great time at Friedl's last night.  Karlene and I went there for dinner and had a great time.  We looked at the coffee table book we made from our trip to Vienna.  Friedl made a wonderful chicken stir fry with rice.  And...tonight Marguerite and I go to friend's for a "cookie exchange." 

I am healing more and more every day.  I am starting to accept my new life.  I just have to move on.  I need it.  The business needs it.  My family and friends need it.  I have realized that accepting it doesn't mean I forget Ray.  I've had this guilty feeling that if I embrace and accept my new life that I am dishonoring Ray.  I'm not, it's just reality.  I will always cherish my Ray.  But, as much as I want it, I can never have him back.  I can't let myself deteriorate.  I know he would move on...and he would want me to also.  I move forward now.  Rather than standing still and looking back...I am moving ahead.  If I don't I will never grow.  - Jimmy