A year ago right now (5:55 pm) Ray's surgery was over. We had to wait until he was awake to see him, that was about 8:00 pm. I remember how great he looked and acted. He felt no pain, because his anti-pain medication from surgery was still in "effect." We felt so good that night. I remember going to Phil's Bar and Grill after the hospital and downtown Saugatuck looked so good. The lights, the horse drawn carriage rides...I was so proud for Scott and Mary Ellen to see our town...and happy that things looked so good for Ray's recovery. Memories as vivid as a full moon on a crystal clear night. Memories that are etched in my mind forever. It literally feels like it could have been yesterday even though it's been a long year. Probably because I have relived that day and the following month every single day since then. It seems like it could have been yesterday because in my mind I lived it yet again yesterday. It's like memorizing a song. Once you've sang it over and over and over again...you know it word for word.
The house is quiet other than the fish tank and Christmas music (and four paws running around). It's a solitude that I think I've needed for a while. Being alone to reflect. Assess how I'm doing and feeling. I went to the cemetery tonight. I had to...being the anniversary of Ray's surgery. I've grown a lot over the last year. I truly see things differently than I ever have in my life. Life is so precious. So strong and yet so delicate.
Love each day. Don't let the little things irritate you. Relax. Smell the roses. Appreciate your family, health, love, friends, and laugh a lot too. Small advice from me. Sometimes it's too late when you learn these things...it's not too late for me. - Jimmy
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