All In All

Wow...a week since I have posted.  I've been busy.  After a great birthday and Easter celebration I had a lot to do.  I took Drew back to Chicago and spent a couple days there.  He and Karlene bought be a new coffee table for the parlor.  We picked that up while I was there.  When I came home I got to work on the butler's pantry.  I rewallpapered it and am in the process of repainting. 

Today is Sunday.  I am going to follow the fifth commandment today....I am resting on the Sabbath.  (Well, I guess that was actually yesterday but I will honor it today.)  I hope to start my walks again today.  I have to lose weight. 

I am sitting in room three.  I am looking outside at the gorgous day.  The beautiful forsythia outside the window is gorgous.  I hear the birds and it is so beautiful to my ears.

I am moving forward.  My days up extreme "ups and downs" are over...I hope.  I have my moments of depression and grieving...but the "extremes" are gone.  I still miss Ray terribly.  He was my one and only.  The moment I laid my eyes on him I was in love.  I can remember the moment right now like it was yesterday.  I didn't even know him and never thought I would even say "hi" to him.  I was on a walk and we passed ways.  It was truly "love at first sight"...at least for me.  I think it was for him too, because he remembered "that day" as well.

There are so many things about our relationship that I miss.  Our companionship is what I miss most.  We could talk about everything and anything.  Except for sports.  He knew EVERYTHING about sports.  From football to golf, tennis to swimming.  He knew something about them all.  The top athletes and the current scores.  I, of course, could not understand football.  He tried so hard to teach me...but I just couldn't get it.  Too many "downs" and such.

I miss our morning conversations.  We would wake and talk about our lives, our days, our future.  We would talk about our business, our guests, our goals.  I have no one to share that with.  Yes...I am dating.  However, that is different.  We are not the "couple" that Ray and I were.  Drew is a wonderful man.  He is probably the most sincere, caring, considerate man I have ever met.  (Yes, maybe even more so than Ray.)  Yet we are not at a point where Ray and I were.  So, although I have a wonderful man in my life right now...I don't have what Ray and I had.  That took 20 years to get to. 

All in all, I am doing good.  I have a good life, great cats, wonderful friends, and a great boyfriend.  - Jimmy