A Changed Man

I was reminded today that I haven't blogged in a while.  So here I go.

The last week has been pretty busy.  I've taken serveral reservations for this summer.  I did some lawn work (including finally cutting the lawn) got some flowers to put on the porch and other miscellaneous things.  My friend Tom (who I haven't seen in a couple years) came in from Chicago and is staying with me while he helps me out with some projects around the house.  It's been great to catch up with him.  He used to go to the NASCAR races with me. 

The weather yesterday and today has been great.  I am actually on the front porch right now with shorts on.  The last several days I have felt very high anxiety.  Not quite sure why.  I just felt like I had great anxiety about something.  I feel better now and I believe I owe a lot of it to the nicer weather, warm sun and FULL house this weekend.  Things are kind of back to normal. 

I am taking Friedl to Clearbrook tomorrow for the Mother's Day brunch.  We went last year, so I think I'll start to make it a tradition since her kids live to far away and my mom lives so far away.  We can celebrate "motherhood" in our own way.

Next weekend the pool gets opened.  It will be so nice to see the crystal clear, shimmering water as I look out the pantry window while doing dishes.  A day Ray and I always loved to see..."pool opening day." 

There are times that I actually miss my grief counseling sessions.  They were days of comfort.  I could openly share my most personal feelings...of grief, loss, love and a new life.  My grief counselor often told me that as time goes by I will think of my moments of grieving as a comforting moment, one like when you wear a raggidy pair of comfortable sweat pants.  You have a hard stressful day but when you put on that old pair of sweat pants and curl up you feel so comfortable.  I didn't quite know exactly what she meant - but I kind of understood it a little.  Now I know what she means.  I kind of want that moment where I curl up by myself, all alone, and grieve at the loss of Ray.  I think a person can only understand that if they have gone through the same thing.   

I can truly say I am a changed man from the one I was on January 3, 2010.  -  Jimmy