A New Zest For Life

Here it is!  The last day of the year.  The end of 2013.  I am ready! 

A year ago today all my guests checked in for what would be that last New Year's Dinner at the Kirby House - at least under my ownership.  No one knew that it would be the last.  I didn't want people to feel sad or sentimental.  So, I didn't tell anyone.  I must admit, I won't miss all the work to put together those big dinners!  It was common for Ray and I to go to be at about 4:00 a.m. on January 1st.  With all the dishes, wine glasses, Champagne glasses, etc. - it took quite a while to get everything cleaned.

I will start 2014 with some stability.  Actually, a lot of stability.  I'm settled into a home, job, car and lifestyle.  I  have a routine as well.  I look forward to moving forward in 2014 - with a new zest for life!  -  Jimmy

Stable and Settled

2013 is almost over.  The worst year of my life.  I totally hit “rock bottom.”  Most of my personal belongings are gone.  A couple months ago I said “What more can God take?”  Well she showed me, my vehicle.  On Thursday night, November 7 I hit a deer full speed at 50 mph.  My hood hit the center of this huge deer and tossed her about a hundred feet.  My truck engine was hissing steam and anti-freeze was draining freely from the radiator. 

 

I had been beaten down as far as I can go.  Over 90% of my possessions gone.  The items I sold I had to use to pay bills.  Other stuff I gave away because I had no room for it.  As I said to a friend on the night I hit the deer, “I officially now have nothing…other than Halloween and Christmas decorations, along with clothes.” 

 

I hit a full, deep down in the pit of my stomach depression.  Horrible thoughts went through my head.   I had officially hit rock bottom.   It really hits a sense of reality at that point.    

 

Where else can I go now but up...right?  Things have all fit into place.  The most important thing I have learned is that "things" don't make you happy.  I truly have what I need.  Food, shelter, family and friends.  I've realized my happiest moments are very simple times.  Just watching the Food Network at night after work with Drew is one of the happiest moments of my day. 

 

With very little money I have really learned that I can live "without."  It's pretty amazing.  I really don't "need" things. 

 

I truly believe that 2014 will be the best year I've had in that last four years.  My life should be stable and settled.  -  Jimmy

Snow And Looking Back

I have so much to say since the last two months, but I'll sparse them out in several BLOGS.

I used to love to look outside at the beautiful snow.  For 15 years I would wake up in the morning and enjoy the fresh frozen delight.  After all, it is much better than looking at the dead trees and dirty leaves left on the ground.  And, at this time of year it really heightened the Christmas Spirit!

This year I despise it.  The thing is I didn't think it was the snow, but now I know it plays a critical roll.  When I walk my dog Harley I don't have the same sense of enjoyment.  I get anxious...depressed.  I believe it reminds me of the pain and grief I went through with Ray's surgeries and death right at this exact time of year.  Then the months of aftermath alone in the house waking everyday to more and more snow.  I ached so bad - the memories now of fresh morning snow bring back very bad emotional memories.

I keep looking back.  I keep looking back.  It's so hard not to.  I must look forward.  That is the only direction I can go.  I'm still adjusting as my life continues to evolve.  I'm still at the very beginning of a new life.  I've got to get all the crap behind me.  And all the wonderful things, they are memories now of my past.  I just can't keep looking back. - Jimmy

My Current Update

OK, so it's been a really long time since writing.  Nothing much "new" to write about.  I've been dealing with some deep depression, but getting back on my medication and starting to come out of it.  I think I'll make my annual visit to my physician and see if he can make a referral to a professional who will listen to me.  I've said it for so long, but it's been a rough 10 months!

We have the house nice and decorated for Halloween!  I can only imagine what Christmas will look life!

I have so much more to say, but I'm on break at work.  So that is my current update.  -  Jimmy

Stay Tuned

My Walk Home

A new life sounds exciting.  I guess it can be.  When I moved in with Ray it was a "new life" for me.  When we moved to Royal Oak...oh such a fun new life.  Buying our condo in Douglas....how exciting.  Then the Kirby House...ahh the Kirby House.  Something that will ALWAYS be a part of me.  What an exciting new life!  But these were all familiar for me.  It was with the love of my life.  Raymond was with me for each and every one of these adventures.  When I have made my new life now...it's different.  There is no familiarity.  I am embracing it.  But it's not the same.  I think if Ray was here with me as we went through the change in life it might be different.  Or maybe not.  Maybe it would be nothing like I dream. 

I struggle every day.  I struggle to accept my life.  I've really been wholloped into a new life.  It's a good life.  Don't get me wrong.  There is just no familiarity.  I guess that is what I miss.  Familiarity.  It takes a while for relationships to grow...to mature.  Drew and I have been dating three years.  Things are getting "familiar" but not like a relationship of 21 years.  We're growing...I'm growing.  We are a work in progress.

I walked Harley today.  This is the picture (above) I took as we walked back home.  It's really nice.  But, am I ready for a more "urban" scene?  Stay tuned.  - Jimmy

Awesome Week

Just got back from a nice long walk with Harley.  About an hour.  He should be good and tired now.  It's a beautiful evening out.  I love my evenings.

Last night I had a weird dream.  Yes, again.  I had a dream I was telling my father (who has been dead now for 18 years) all that I "lost."  I was in the Kirby House pointing to everything I had to let go.  I was crying deeply as I was telling him this.  I guess maybe subconsciously I needed to "get it out" to my father.

This was a really good week for me.  The weather was awesome, work was awesome and the weekend was awesome!  On Wednesday I had volunteered with work to help clean up a park in Grand Rapids.  It was a beautiful day!  I did painting, pulling weeds, cutting down brush, etc.  It was real nice.  The best part was work paid us for it and I got to get out two hours early (because I started work at the park two hours earlier).

Painting at Garfield Park on Volunteer Day.

On Saturday Friedl, Drew and I went to downtown Grand Rapids to venture through the "Art Prize."  None of us have been to this and this is the fifth or sixth year of it I believe.  Absolutely amazing how this event has grown and how it is pulled off.  Grand Rapids is a great town with so much growth.  We only spent about two hours but could have spent at least two full days to see everything.  Of course we went on the most beautiful day of the season...a Saturday with sunny skies and temperatures in the low 80's.  It was such a festive event with street music, street performers, art venues, food, and people watching. 

An Art Venue at Art Prize.

I requested this Friday off.  I want a short week and a three day weekend.  One of the great benefits of this company is the paid time off you get! 

Well, here's a group photo from our Park Volunteer Day.

I'm in the back row, second from the left.

- Jimmy





First Fall BBQ

Sunday afternoon, yet again.  Fall started about 1/2 hour ago.  It's harder to keep track of the time of year now that I'm not running the B&B.  The seasons were so defined.  You knew when summer was in peak and you sure knew when Labor Day was over.  Now, my schedule is the same daily, so it's not like I could tell it's fall, other than the weather. 

Last week was slow at work.  They were asking for volunteers to go home and take paid time off.  I left four to five hours early on Wednesday and Thursday.  It was nice being home in the evenings.  Drew had those two days off so it was nice to have the time together. 

This week I'm volunteering at a park in Grand Rapids.  It's part of work's community service program.  The thing is, I get paid for it!  When I worked at the bank we had to volunteer our time for community projects on weekends...and NOT get paid.  So this will be kind of cool...a change is work routine this week, and I'll get to leave work early because we will start our work at the park at noon. 

I can hear geese flying by.  I'm looking out the window watching the leaves blowing on the trees.  A very nice breeze. 

It was a year ago this weekend I got my first dog...Jack.  He was so adorable.  He was full of issues, liver and kidney disease, diabetes, and God only knows what else.  I took care of him as well as I could, giving him a great life during his last days.  I have my little Harley now.  He is a gem. 

Tonight is BBQ night.  Drew works till 9:00 p.m.  I'm going to grill pork chops and we'll have corn on the cob and sweet potato fries.  A little chilly out, but it will make for a great first fall BBQ.  -  Jimmy

Maybe That's Good?

You may have noticed my blogs don't really have a lot of information about Drew.  In respect for his privacy I have purposely left details out.  Other than tidbits here and there he did not choose to be a public figure in my blogs, so I keep most details out. 

Here it is Monday.  Actually almost over.  I have just over two hours left of work.  I am on my lunch break by the way.  Once Monday is over the week just seems so much better. 

After writing my blog yesterday I went back to last fall's posts and could see exactly where things were starting to "happen" in my life.  At one point I said "I wish I could just fast forward" several months.  And after going through it, I really wish I could have fast forwarded it.  But, I lived through it.  Did it make me stronger?  I don't know.  Not yet at least. 

I think I poured my thoughts out yesterday.  My mind is empty of thoughts today.  Maybe that's good?  -  Jimmy

It's All Good On The Porch

It's a rainy Sunday afternoon.  Drew is at work.  I am relaxing by myself.  I've got my computer set up right by two windows on the second floor that look outside.  It's a great view.  Better than the view from my third floor "office" at Kirby House.  Even better than the first floor "office" - as most of you know it was under the stairs.  My best "office" though, was on the front porch.  With wireless internet access and a cordless phone, I was able to do most of my "non house related chores" right there on that beautiful front porch. 

That was my favorite spot - and the thing I miss most about the Kirby House (other than the great guests, but I still get to see and enjoy them once in a while) - the front porch.  Oh I spent many a night watching thunderstorms out there, chatting with guests, lots of wine and cocktails were enjoyed there, as well as planning our future.  I guess it's ok to plan your future, just don't rely on your plans panning out the way you thought.  That's not to be taken as negative, just don't be upset when they don't work the way you planned it, I didn't know.  I thought everything would work out just like Ray and I planned.  I mean, we made solid decisions, took advice from financial planners, got our Trust and Wills done, and planned that one day we would sell the Kirby House, take all our equity and profits and retire.

We truly loved the Kirby House.  The "House" itself.  Who didn't?  It is beautiful.  I remember our first time walking through it.  I felt at home.  Most everyone who walked in the door the first time felt that way.  They told me.  If they didn't feel that way then something was wrong with them...according to me.  So much investment of love, time, money, and maintenance.  Who said a 130 year old "Painted Lady" would be cheap?!  Of course we never knew our taxes would triple when we bought the old girl.  But, we set out for the long haul and went on our own adventure of themed weekends, holiday parties, "Fancy Drink Contests," Cooking Classes and more.  These "out of the box" creative events, along with our great hospitality and fine food got us a lot of publicity.  A LOT!  (Not to mention the third AAA star we received after our first year.)  Much of the publicity was in the Detroit area, but also the Midwest.  We found ourselves featured in Midwest Living Magazine twice, the New York Times, The Grand Rapids Press at least a dozen times, Parade Magazine, Automobile Magazine, Newspapers across the country (last year during our Titanic Dinner on the 100th anniversary - papers as far away as California), Local Channel 3 and 8 news.  In 2004, The Detroit Free Press featured an article about places to get away to in order to escape the crowds of the Super Bowl.  It featured three options, the Kirby House, Disney World or The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  Not bad company. 

We were on a whirlwind.  Nothing would stop us...except the economic crash in September of 2008.  I will never forget it.  We were on our annual Mackinac Island trip when we watched everything collapse.  Everyone put a halt to unnecessary spending.  We were one of those.  The summers were still insane busy, but the off/shoulder seasons were dying.  Instead of two or three trips a year to Saugatuck (ie Kirby House), people made one, during the peak season.

Five days before Ray died (December 29) he asked me..."What are we gonna do?"  I didn't have an answer, and he needed me to be positive.  After all we were just getting ready to schedule his visit to the oncologist to set up radiation and chemotherapy.  I said something like "we'll figure it out."  Fortunately he didn't have to live through suffering, pain, and what would be the eventual loss of our dream. 

People have asked me how I got through another three years if the economic crisis hit so hard.  My response, "life insurance."  What was intended to be for my support went right back into the Kirby House.  (I did do some nice traveling - and I'm glad I did, because if I hadn't I would have never have been able to experience such wonderful places.  At least not for a long while.)  I had a life and career at Kirby House and I surely wasn't ready to leave.  It took me almost a year to get enough strength in me to throw Ray's toothbrush away, two years to go through his clothes.  How was I going to sell the Kirby House and move on?!  I thought I could outlive the recession.  2010 hit the hardest.  I know that people felt afraid to stay with me because of my grieving.  They thought I needed space.  That was the slowest summer EVER!  Another big blow.  I did everything I could.

Then it hit.  I had to face the reality of doing something.  Last fall my depression was really starting to get noticed by others.  A friend forced me to "do something."  She dragged me to my financial consultant.  We looked at many options.  Even spoke with "the Bank" to discuss options.  I then met with my real estate agent, and finally a lawyer.  Another circle of meetings with this group and I realized my only option.  Let her go.  (To be clear, my decision on what I needed to do with the Kirby House was a long thought out process with the consultation of professional advisors.  Two were local and I so respect their privacy of my situation that, to my knowledge, they never let it out.)

In my final days at the Kirby House I would get so upset I would get sick and throw up.  I had to go to the doctor and get medication.  Yes, more medication.  I finally moved in with Drew to get out of the house.  The house that felt "like home" for so many years.  I knew it was over.  I faced it.  I have said that what I did was more like "stopping the bleeding." 

I don't know what people think of me.  I'm told not to care.  But I do.  I do care what people think of me.  That is how I was raised.  My father was a Baptist Minister for crying out loud.  We lived in a glass house.  We had to care about what people thought of us.  We had a standard to live up to.  When you grow up like that you can't help but be molded by that for your future. 

Also, in a small town like this rumors run rampant.  When Ray was first diagnosed with congestive heart failure (after what we thought would be a routine visit to the ER for a sinus infection) a friend called from Detroit saying he heard I found Ray passed out laying on the floor in the kitchen and had to call the EMS. 

So, yes...I do care.  I care about the future of the Kirby House (after all I spent 15 years and lots of money caring for her, and trust me I walked away without a penny), I care about what others think of me, I care about my future, I care about my friends (by the way you find out who your REAL friends are when you are left without money, a status, or something else to give), I care about my reputation and I care for my family...blood or not.

I still cry.  I cry for what I felt should have been.  Ray should be here, we should be living our future, we should have been able to sell the Kirby House one day - hand her over and retire as our plan called for.  I cry for that.  Literally...CRY!  There's nothing I can do though.  I know it.  I recently listened to Joyce Meyer and she was saying how we can't look back at what "was" we have to look forward at what "can be."  Damn, that is hard though when your past is so close behind you - objects in mirror are closer than they appear.  I can still see it.  I'm taking strides though...notice I didn't say "making." 

So, there are some people who avoid me when they see me.  They're afraid of some awkward comment that might slip.  Or, maybe their afraid of me because of some rumor they have heard about me.  But I know my heart and I know it's right and at peace with the decisions I had to make on my own (which was probably the hardest part...making decisions on my own).  I've even heard that people don't like my new partner (or they don't think he is "right" for me) so they quit inviting me to dinners or events.  That really hurts me.  It hurts him.  He is the sweetest, most sincere person there is.  He has the heart of a child, which Jesus Christ himself said we should all be more like. 

Since Ray died I have been an open book in my blog.  People know my heart.  I have had to keep some things buried deep, deep down though.  Personal things I just couldn't (or shouldn't) share, but I had to dig it up and share it.  Maybe then I can be at peace. 

I bought a sign a few years back that says "It all good on the porch."  I had it hung on the Kirby House porch.  I took that with me.  I wanted to be reminded of my days and experiences of sitting on that front porch.  The thing I miss the most.

This is my story and it has not ended. - Jimmy

It's All Good

I'm following up to a post I made in Facebook.  I mentioned "looking back."  It made me think about the motorcycle class I took back in 2001.  One of the things we were instructed on is to "never look down."  You will always go in the direction you are looking.  Look left to go left.  Straight forward to go straight forward.  If you look down...you'll go down.

This made me think about how true in life this is.  The direction we look is right where we'll go.  I still struggle looking back.  And I struggle getting enveloped in "worry."  I really try my best to think positive, to smile, to make me and other people happy.  It's hard sometimes though.  But I think that is the case with everyone.  Maybe I'm just starting to feel normal again.  All my life's struggles are now "normal" struggles everyone is going through day after day.  Life won't be perfect. 

I have tomorrow off.  I work this weekend so I get tomorrow and next Wednesday off.  It will be nice to have a mid-week day off.  I am picking Friedl up at the airport from Vienna.  Looking forward to having my friend back.  Then I've got a six day work week ahead before my next day off.  It's all good. - Jimmy

It Was Great for Me!

Life goes on! 

In January of 2010 I just wanted everything to "STOP!"  I remember commenting on how I was watching the TODAY Show and the current news events just kept coming in.  I kept thinking "why can't everyone just stop and let this all sink in?!"  It wasn't about me though.  Everyone's life keeps moving on.  Life, death, worries, birthdays, weddings, etc.  Mine kept moving on too.  I couldn't do anything about it.  It keeps going.

Every day something just keeps moving me forward.  One more step.  I have new found happiness.  I can't keep hold on the past.  Life moves too fast for that. 

I've had some ups and some BIG, HUGE DOWNS over the last three and a half years.  More ups now.  Setbacks come here and there, but they're manageable. 

I had a great three day weekend just this past weekend.  Best weather all summer.  And, I got a paid day off for Friday, first time in 16 years!  I savored it.  Went to the beach, the farmer's market, the flea market, had an intimate dinner party of six, and ate out!  It was great for me! - Jimmy

Gonna Run

It's almost mid August, but feels like late September.  The cool temps and the changing leaves are a bit too early for me.  I like a nice, hot August.  It doesn't have to be muggy or humid, but 80's would be nice. 

Thank God it's Tuesday.  For some reason I just hated yesterday.  I wanted Monday to be over.  Even at work, I just wanted the day to end.  I couldn't wait until 10:30 p.m. when I could leave, and let the day be over. 

It is nice and sunny out.  At least that is a plus. 

The summer has flown by.  Even though I wasn't busy with Kirby House, the days have just flown by.  I've enjoyed my summer weekends off.  It's so nice to actually have days OFF of work.  There was none of that for 15 years.  Not in the summer. 

This Sunday Drew and I are meeting my brother and his wife at Michigan International Speedway.  Going to the NASCAR race.  I'm so excited.  Drew's first time.  It will be good to see my brother and sister-in-law especially.

Gonna run.  -  Jimmy

My Mother

My Training Class at Booking.com
(This picture has nothing to do with my Blog today!)

Well, a whole week has gone by yet again.  Today is Mother's Day.  I wish I could spend it with my mother but she is across the state in Detroit.  I really wish I could spend more time with her.  Although, I do talk to her every day. 

Being Mother's Day, I would like to share just some of the reason's why I love my mom:

• She is beautiful
• She is strong
• She is a great financial planner
• She loves me
• She is MY mom
• She is sweet
• She is kind
• She is funny
• She likes to spend time with me
• She likes to laugh...LOVES to laugh
• She has been by my side forever
• She accepts me for who I am
• She is proud of me
• She makes me proud 
• She is respectable
• She is trustworthy
• She is honest
• She likes to have a good time
• She is a wonderful grandmother
• She is passionate
• She likes to go shopping with me
• She is my mother!

I love you mom!  And happy Mother's Day to all the other mom's out there! - Jimmy

Pity Party and Life Moves On

I'm having a pity party for myself right now.  Thinking of everything I have lost....or had to let go.  I had so much "stuff."  Now I don't.  I know "stuff" doesn't make you happy, but I had a lot of nice things....I had to let go of them to move on.  I had no room for stuff.  I am lying in bed now and pitying myself for letting go of all I had.  All the cool and wonderful furniture, motorcycle, etc.  Gone.  My memories are with me forever though.

I miss Ray.  His great smile, laugh, home cooking, and gregarious attitude.  He was something.  Sometimes a little too much "something."  Those of you who knew Ray know what I mean.

Don't get me wrong, my life is moving forward.  I've posted a lot about that lately.  I'm just in one of those down swings right now.  There are days I feel so "way up" and days I feel so "down."  Right now I'm just by myself in bed feeling down.  Life moves on.  - Jimmy

I'm Loving My Routine.

I am at work now, on a break.  Just got back from a 20 minute walk.  I've been doing these walks on lunch for about five weeks now.  I need to get out and stretch half way through my day.  It's been good on my feet.  My feet were actually sore from sitting all day.

I had a really nice weekend.  Went to the art fair in Saugatuck, went to the Allegan Flea Market on Sunday, and relaxed a little.  I have tomorrow off because I work this weekend.  I look forward to having a mid-week day off.  Plus, it was nice after the weekend to work two days and then have a day off.  Next Wednesday is off too.

I really feel good.  Emotionally, mentally and physically.  My life is forming.  I'm loving my routine.  -  Jimmy

I Have Time...I Hope!

Back to blog! 

We had a great rain on Sunday night.  It was much needed.  Things were quite dry here.

I was working on an overbooking last night at work.  It was for a hotel in Colorado.  I was able to call Ray's sister Susie (who lives and works as a travel agent in Colorado) for some information and advice.  It was nice to chat with her.

To anyone out there who hasn't "heard from me" by phone....here's the deal.  My phone lost ALL of it's information/contacts about two months ago.  I decided to cut my monthly costs as buy a cheap "pay as you go" phone at Dollar General.  Well, it wasn't any cheaper and I had very limited time to talk.  (For those of you who don't know...I do like to talk.)  So former Kirby House guests/friends Matt and Billy came by to visit during July 4 holiday.  They told me about Virgin Mobile.  I went right to Best Buy and got my new phone.  So, now I'm on phone number three from the last few months.  I decided not to keep the same number as I didn't have that many people who actually called me and I didn't want to go through all the "riggamoreole" of keeping the same number. 

My life journey continues.  I am now at the stage where I really have settled into a new life and new stable routine.  Staying at the Kirby House was keeping back emotionally and mentally.  I HAD to move on.  I'm sure there are people out there ready to judge me.  How could I sign the house over to the Bank?!  I now really understand the express "until you've walked a mile in my shoes."  Trust me, it's my life.  I had to make the decisions that best fit my life.  I'm not saying I'm happy with how everything turned out, but I had to make some hard and difficult choices.  I've had to accept those decisions and move on.  Trust me, my plans did not turn out the way I had made them.  A good friend of mine told me "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans for your future."  How true.  We have to take when is "given" to us and make the best decisions with that.  It makes you stronger....trust me, it does!
As I move forward, I want all my friends, family and acquaintances to be happy for me.  Don't be sad.  As Ray would say, I've been given a lemon "so why not make Whiskey Sours?" 

What I have found out is that once you have nothing more to GIVE, you find out who your real family and friends are.  These are the people who call me daily or email me frequently, check in on me, ask me how things are going, stop by and say "hi" ask me to lunch or breakfast.  These are people that continue to be who they are/were as my friend in spite of me having nothing to really give back to them, other than my own dedicated friendship.  Thanks to those who helped me pack up Kirby House...Drew, Tom, Joe, Renee, Mary, Karlene, Willa and Philip.  Those who sacrificed their New Year's so I could pull off one last dinner event at the Kirby House, Tom, Drew, Friedl and Philip.  The many dinners made for me while I stressed about the moving out (and made myself sick)....and the carry outs from Clearbrook!  And, to all the former Kirby House guests who keep tabs on me either on Facebook, by email or by phone.  You have all helped me so much in the last eight months.  I could not have done it without your support.  And, of course, my daily uplifting chats with my mother!  And of course those who have helped me financially get through this....you know who you are and most of all...I know who you are!   Thanks for buying the Lake Michigan map Matt and Billy!  If I could, I would offer you all free rooms...but I don't have that to give anymore. 

I could go on and on with names of people who have done all kinds of things for me, little or big.  Maybe as I think this through I'll write one thing about someone each day.  I have time...I hope! - Jimmy

A Consistent Routine Is Great For Me!

Well, here it is...July 21!  We're in the mid of summer. 

I had a four month review with my "Seniors" at work on Friday.  It went great!  They are really impressed with my work.  They said my background at the B&B has helped immensely with my work with the hotels.  They said I have the experience of the "hotel" side of the industry - making it easier for me to empathize with the hoteliers and come to solutions that meet the guest's and hotel's needs.

They told me about a training program they would like me to participate in that is in Amsterdam.  I would work for a week at the headquarters there.  Each day I would work in a different department...shadowing a team member.  It's a way to further enhance my experience and growth with Booking.com!  I'm excited.  Not sure when this will be, but it is in my future.

They also discussed future growth opportunities for me in a variety of the job positions at Booking.com.  They asked me where I saw myself going within the company.  I advised them that right now I am where I want to be.  I have had huge changes in my life over the last eight months and it's good to be in a stable and steady environment.  I told them I want to grow to be the best I can be in my position and then see what is out there.  I told them that I want to stay at where I am at for at least a year.  During that year I will look around at what positions there are and see where it leads.  They advised me to always look at the job openings within the company.  If I see one I like they suggested I look at the qualifications.  Then, seek to gain the experience in those qualifications.  They said they would even like to see me "job shadow" in the Grand Rapids Office to learn as much as I can.  (There are 800 employees at the Grand Rapids Office.  The largest customer care center next to Amsterdam!)

So, work is going great.  My relationship with Drew is going great.  I am settling into a routine for my life which is great.  A consistent routine is great for me! - Jimmy

It's Starting to Fit Me - Thoughts of the Day

I awake this morning with mixed feelings.  It is a fantastic, beautiful sunny morning here in West Michigan.  The fog on the Kalamazoo marsh as the sun rises is mystical.  It's a Saturday morning in July and I can sleep in!  But guess what?  I wake at 6:30 a.m.  ....and think! 

I was leaving work last night walking with my new friend Amy.  As we past a young man sitting at his workstation I said to Amy "He's cute."  She said "JIM!"  I replied "What?"  She said "he looks like Ray."  I hadn't realized it but she was right.  A very young Ray by the way.  But he sure did have his features. 

So, I start thinking about my Ray this morning.  Tears came to my eyes as I thought about caring for him in the hospital and how I would never have any idea that he would have died three weeks later.  My life changed in an instant.  I tried so hard to "make it work" at the Kirby House over the next three years.  It just wasn't the same.  No matter how much awesome help I got, it wasn't the same for me.  And, as the economy hit the tourism business hard it all fell apart.  I could no longer "hold on."  I had to move on.  The last few days I spent at the Kirby House I felt so overwhelmed and emotional that my stomach would get so upset I would throw up.  I had to get a prescription to prevent it.  It was then (in early March) I told Drew we needed to move into the apartment.  I had to get out and "live" somewhere else.  I decided to go to "work" at the Kirby house four hours a day to pack up and move.  Then I would come "home."  To my new home. 

A couple months ago Drew and I went to the Kirby House and clipped some Lilacs and walked through the yard.  The grass was well overgrown.  Already getting unkempt.  It was sad to see, but I had no one emotional feeling of a tie to the house.  After 15 years I didn't feel like I could go and just walk in the door.  It was no longer ours...mine.  It never was.  It was our business.  We were the current caretakers.  I try to no long pass by and look.  I have to move on. 

Three years went by after Ray's death and I had this whirlwind of not knowing who "I" was.  I had been "Jim and Ray" for 21 years.  Half of my life.  All of my adult life.  I had to formulate back into who Jim was.  But, who was I?  What did I like.  Not what did we like.  I had to make all the final decisions on what to do.  There was no partner/husband to consult with and talk it over.  It has been a very challenging three years.  I'm starting to get there, but it's all new again!

New.  I'm living in a new place.  I have a new job.  I have a new dog.  I have a new routine.  I feel guilty when I'm off work because I feel like I should get up and work.  Plus, I have a (somewhat) new partner.  These things are coming in paces that make it a little easier to adjust to.  First there was Drew.  Then new home.  Then new dog, then new job.  Just getting into the new job routine has been a challenge for me.  Seeing where I fit in with 800 other employees just here in Grand Rapids, 4,000 around the world. 

My life is starting to fit in though.  There are bumps along the way, but I'm getting into a routine.  That is good for me.  I haven't had "routine" in a long time.  I like it.  I start work at 2:00 p.m.  I am home by 11:22 p.m.  I make a drink and sit and watch "How I Met Your Mother."  One more drink and flip through the TV until I am too tired to stay up.  I get to sleep in before I start my next day.  I have Saturdays and Sundays off.  This is my third month of this routine, so It's starting to fit me.  - Jimmy

Cheers!

My mom...wearing my hat.

My brother and sister-in-law; Rich and Pam

I spent the weekend in Detroit visiting my family.  The primary reason for my visit was to celebrate my brother Richard's 50th birthday.  For 15 years I have not been able to get together with my family during the summer...and NEVER on a weekend.  (Other than for funerals.)  This was such a treat for me!  It was truly like old times.  Drew and I left Friday evening and had a great time visiting with my mom.  On Saturday we visited my sister and family at their new home in Harrison Township.  Then my mom, Drew and I went shopping.  Big Lots, Dollar Tree and Aldi...all "high end" stores!  Saturday night my sister-in-law had a great gathering with a wonderful spread of food! 

The weather outside today is beautiful.  Harley will not want to come in from his walk.  I will be working, of course.  I am getting so much more comfortable with my job.  It is very demanding and accuracy is imperative.  It is quite interesting talking to people from all over the world.  I will say this...American's are CHEAP and DEMANDING!  I love the Australians!  When I see a call pop up and it says "Australia" I am so happy.  I know they will be cheerful, polite, thankful and courteous.

I have great conversations during the day with my co-worker, Amy, who sits next to me.  She really "get's me."  We actually have a lot in common regarding our beliefs, our humor, our attitudes, etc.  We've made up a silly thing for Friday's...it's "Show and Tell" day.  Just something to break the monotony of being on the phone.  We've also decided to do "Christmas in July."  I'm getting to know more people and feel a bit more at home.  It's starting to become a routine.  I will just be so glad when my bankruptcy is over and I will feel like I can now move on with my life.

Well, gotta go, Harley needs a walk!  As the Australians say when they hang the phone up "CHEERS!" - Jimmy

Everybody Is Now Really Getting Along!

Wiley resting on his chair.  He will be 17 in a couple weeks!

Well, the week has come and gone.  The weekend is here.  It's so nice to have weekends off, there is just something about it.

My buddy Wiley is in the picture above.  When Ray and I got him and his sister (Amity) we had just purchased our condo in Saugatuck/Douglas (as our second home-we were still living in Royal Oak).  As a joke Ray said "Let's name them Wiley and Amity" (which were the corner street names of where our condo was).  We assummed it was a temporary joke.  We decided to call them that until we picked real/better names.  Well, they stuck.  Amity died almost three years ago from pancreatic cancer.  Wiley seems to be doing very well.

My new job is going well.  I am finally starting to get used to a routine schedule.  There was nothing routine over the last 15 years.  So that has been a big change for me.  I sit for eight hours a day handling customer and hotel calls from places ALL over the WORLD!  I deal with different languages, accents, cultural beliefs, attitudes, currency, etc.  One minute I may be talking to a guest in Oklahoma and the next second Istanbul.  It sure keeps you on your toes...well, while you're sitting down.

Today is Ray's sister Marguerite's birthday.  Happy Birthday Gully!  Ray named her "Gully."  An explanation I will not get into. 

This is the newest baby.  "Harley Quinn Davidson."  He's a great boy and everybody is now really getting along.  - Jimmy

Happy Memorial Day!

My first Memorial Day off in 15 years.  As I drove home from work last night I stopped at SuperValu to see if Drew wanted to stop at Wild Dog for a drink after he got out of work.  I parked in the lot and stared at Kirby House.  It was all dark.  A sad sight from the three decades of lights, activity, people coming and going - ALIVE!  As hard as I tried I couldn't get sentimental about it.  It was as if I really wanted to cry.  I stared and thought of the 15 years of living there...trying to get a tear, but I couldn't.  Maybe because I had so many fantastic memories of living there how could I be sad about it.  It was a wonderful time in my life, and it was time to move on.  I wish it was under different circumstances.  It was Ray and my goal to sell it at some point...make some money (ha ha!) and retired.  Leaving the old "Painted Lady" in good hands.  Alas, that didn't happen.  How I/we wanted it to happen didn't come about - but it was time for me to move on. 

I prayed and prayed to God that business would come back to what it was, allowing me to hold on until I could sell it.  Then I realized that I was praying for what "I" wanted and that wasn't God's plan.  I started to pray for God's will.  I would take walks and pray as I walked.  I would tell God what "I" wanted but then said to him "...although this is what I want I must trust that you may have other plans for me, so I pray for your will and ask for your strength and guidance through it."  I am believing to this day that my circumstances must be part of God's plan for my future.  I still have big things to get through and I worry about things still.  I'm believing this life situation right now will give me the strenght for God's future plans for me.  Working out is not fun (for most of us), the dread of going to the gym, the pain, the sweat, the aches afterwards, but that is what makes us strong.  (Although most people feel this way, some LOVE the paid, sweat and aches...not me!)  So, here I am wondering...just wondering, what does God have in store for me?  I am in that hallway between two doors...my past and my future.  I know I am NOT where God intends me to be, but I'm walking the long hallway ready to open that new door. 

I have the day off today.  Drew is working.  I am enjoying the peace and quiet alone time!  Even Jesus needed to be alone.  When he was being demanded upon by his disciples and the crowds he left for the dessert to be alone.  We all that time to just be along, no one needing us.  Time to reflect.  It's nice to do that today.

I think Ray would be proud of me.  Having the strength to move on.  Being able to actually cook real food.  My performance at my new job!  By the way (yes, to brag) I am #3 of the top five on my team of 30 people for customer satisfaction.  (This is from a survey emailed to guests/customers after I have handled a situation for them.  The only reason I am not #1 is because two people weren't satisfied with the outcome...something I had no control over.)  My performance is 7.9, which a 5.5 is the required minimum.  I like to challenge myself to be the best I can in anything I do.  Being "average" is not me!

One of the best feelings I have in my new life is that when I am off of work...I am truly off of work.  No calls at home, no late check-ins, and I don't have to be "ON" 24/7. I also love my new hours.  No having to get up early!

Well, those are my thoughts for today!  Happy Memorial Day! - Jimmy

Enjoy!

Wow, time flies.  I can't believe it's been this long since I've blogged.  I've been so busy with work and the "new home."  In fact, yesterday I cut the lawn for the first time.  The weather this year has been awesome for May.  The best in years.  This must have been the perfect winter, everything is blooming just perfectly!  The colors of the blooms on the trees are amazing!

A couple years ago I had a guest stay at the Kirby House with a friend.  They were enjoying wine and appetizers on the front porch.  They invited Drew and me to partake.  One of the dips they had was delicious.  It was a "Salmon Mousse."  Now I am NOT a big fan of salmon, let alone canned salmon, but this stuff was to die for.  She share the recipe and everyone who has tried it has loved it.  This is one of those perfect appetizers you can make that is so easy and people will think you are a true "foodie."

Salmon Mousse

• 1 can Alaskan pink salmon
• 1 jar Kraft® Old English Cheese (located by the Velveeta)
• 1 8oz block cream cheese, softened
• Blue Cheese Crumbles (to your taste-optional)

Debone Salmon, mix all ingredients together real well. Chill

I'm also not a fan of Blue Cheese as well.  But if you put just a little bit in it does work.

Well, I'm off to make this recipe for dinner tonight.  Enjoy! - Jimmy

So Here It Is

It's Sunday afternoon.  2:00 p.m.  I took Drew to work at 9:00 a.m. and came home and went right back to bed.  Other than getting up here and there, I have been in bed until now.  It's nice to get an actual "day of rest."

The other morning I ran some errands before work.  It felt "odd but liberating."  When running the Kirby House I ALWAYS had the business on the back of my mind.  Constant planning, organizing, keeping my mind on who was checking in and who was checking out.  I always felt that if I was out running errands I had to get back to make sure everything was "ok" at the house.  Now I was out and about and didn't have to think about anything else except what I had to do.  Work is work now.  When I am gone it is all MY time.  I still have my worries about the bills I owe, the guest's I have to give refunds to yet.  Where will my money come from?  That I have to take a day at a time. 

Tonight Friedl is having Drew, Tom, Mary Philp, and me over for dinner.  I am making a corn bread casserole recipe from Paul Dean.  It is super easy to make, check and DELICIOUS!  I brought a pan of it to work on Friday.  We had a potluck for our "zone" and everyone brought a dish.  This got rave reveiws.  So here it is.

Corn Casserole

Ingredients

• 1 (15 1/4-ounce) can whole kernel corn, drained
• 1 (14 3/4-ounce) can cream-style corn
• 1 (8-ounce) package corn muffin mix (recommended: Jiffy)
• 1 cup sour cream
• 1/2 stick butter, melted
• 1 to 1 1/2 cups shredded Cheddar

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
In a large bowl, stir together the 2 cans of corn, corn muffin mix, sour cream, and melted butter. Pour into a greased 9 by 13-inch casserole dish. Bake for 45 minutes, or until golden brown. Remove from oven and top with Cheddar. Return to oven for 5 to 10 minutes, or until cheese is melted. Let stand for at least 5 minutes and then serve warm.

Gotta Get To Work

Wow, over a month since I wrote in my blog.  I officially started "on the floor" April 1st.  (At Boooking.com).  It's been a whirlwind!  Lot's to learn even after training.  It's going good so far.

Ray's sisters, Marguerite and Grace stopped by yesterday for a brief visit.  It was so nice to see both of them together.  I wish we could have had more time but Grace had to get back to Detroit and return a pick-up she borrowed.  She purchased the old pump organ from me. 

The weather is getting so nice out.  Drew and I spent some time this weekend doing yard work.  Took Harley for a nice long walk.  Went to Tom and Mary's for dinner last night.  It was a great weekend.

I don't really have any sentimental feelings as I drive past Kirby House.  Ray and I always knew it was a step to our next venture in life.  We always felt it as hour temporary home, a place that was our home but mosty our business.  I guess it never really felt like "our home."  It felt as if we were the current caretakers.  It was supposed to be our investment for our retirement.  Who knew the financial crisis would hurt so many people and it trickled down to us three and a half years ago.  The only reason I could keep up the Kirby House for another three years was because of life insurance.  I just kept hoping the economy would pick up.  It didn't pick up quick enough and I dumped everything into it I could until everything ran out.  Kinda sucks!  No, it really sucks, but as Ray would always tell me..."don't worry there is nothing you can do about it."  That's easy to say until it really hits this bad.

My emotions still have to be kept in check.  I've had huge life changing events in the last four months.  Moving out, moving into a new place, getting a new job, signing the house over to the bank, and now trying to get my personal bankruptcy going.  Each one of these is a huge emotional undertaking.  So, there are many days I just feel exhausted from my emotions. 

Well, I've got to get to work.  - Chow, Jimmy

Three Years Ago

Well, I am in my last week of training at Booking.com.  I am reallying loving the job.  It looks like it will be a great company to work for and advance in. 

As I mentioned in the previous Blog, I am out of the Kirby House.  It's hard to explain how I feel.  The best example I can give is that it is like when you go on a great vacation.  You have a fabulous time, great food, exciting and fun, but when you get home you say to yourself "That was a great time, but it's good to be home."  That is how I feel right now.  I had a great 15 years running the B&B with Ray...but now it's time to move on.  There is this fabulous feeling when I get out of work and come home.  When I leave work...I LEAVE work!  The B&B was 24/7...always "ON."  So it's great to be back to "normal."

This new job,  new home and new life helps complete my grief process.  Well, it will never be complete, but I sure feel much more "normal" than I did three years ago! - Jimmy

The End and The Beginning

The end and the beginning.  Today I signed the house over to the Bank.  It's an end to one era of my life and the beginning of another.  I was at the house walking through rooms last week with my friend Tom and I said..."I don't even feel sentimental."  I need to move on.  Staying at the house was keeping me back emotionally and menally.

My new life begins.  There is the end and now a new beginning.  -  Jimmy

Hopefully in the next couple weeks!

Well, I finished my first full week of work at Booking.com!  Needless to say I'm pretty exhausted.  A ton of stuff to learn.  We ended the day Friday with working on real life situations.  We were paired up and had to contact hotels and communicate with guests.  We had hotels in Germany to contact.  It was interesting. 

My job title is "Customer Care Executive."  I will be assisting Booking.com guests and hotels regarding reservations, booking reservations, unresolved issues, etc.  I think my days (or nights) will go by fast.  I was told I will be working second or third shift since our class has NO seniority.  That is fine with me. 

Spent some more time this weekend cleaning up at Kirby House.  There is sooooo much stuff!!  I'll be so glad when that is over!  Hopefully in the next couple weeks. - Jimmy

New Job

Well, I started my new job yesterday.  So today was day two.  I am EXHAUSTED.  Only the second day of four weeks training.  I've got a long way to go.  I think I am going to enjoy this though.  It's a great company, as far as I can tell so far.  Very organized and professional.

It's different getting up early and  being to work at 8:00 a.m. now.  However, I will get a different "shift" once I complete training. 

The dog (Harley) and the cats have been getting along great so far.  - Jimmy

Bye~!

Wow, lots of new changes to my life.  New home, new job, new dog...I am looking very forward to moving ahead.  I called today to have the Kirby House phone lines disconnected effective tomorrow, March 1st.  My only contact will be 616-405-6879.  That is the cell phone number I have had for years but didn't use it that much.

Heading out to Friedl's tonight for dinner.  Tom is making Brats.  I'll try to post more information tomorrow.  Spending a lot of the day cleaning up Kirby House.  Bye~! - Jimmy

Nothing But Blessed My Life

Well, I went to the shelter tonight, Theresa, Drew and I were going to give Riley a bath before his surgery (to "fix" him).  I got there and they had already fixed him earlier.  Good news is he comes to his new home tomorrow instead of Friday!  I have to sub sixth grade math in Saugatuck tomorrow, so I will go after that.

Yesterday I watched "Prayers for Bobby" for the third time.  This is a true story about a mother who could NOT accept her son's homosexuality based on Biblical scripture.  She finally rejected her son.  He ended up killing himself by dropping off a bridge and getting hit by an 18 wheeler.  A very tear jerking movie.  Sigourney (?) Weaver starred in it.  The mother "Mary Griffith" eventually accepted that her son had no issues, he was born that way.  Mary joined PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbian And Gays) and has been a vocal fighter for equality. 

Here is Mary's quote to her local City Council regarding a "Gay Freedom Day"

"Homosexuality is a sin. Homosexuals are doomed to spend eternity in Hell. If they wanted to change, they could be healed of their evil ways. If they would turn away from temptation, they could be normal again if only they would try and try harder if it doesn't work. These are all the things I said to my son Bobby when I found out that he was gay. When he told me he was a homosexual my world fell apart. I did everything I could to cure him of his sickness. Eight months ago my son jumped off a bridge and killed himself. I deeply regret my lack of knowledge about gay and lesbian people. I see that everything I was taught and told was bigotry and de-humanizing slander. If I had investigated beyond what I was told, if I had just listened to my son when he poured his heart out to me, I would not be standing here today with you filled with regret. I believe that God was pleased with Bobby's kind and loving spirit.

In God's eyes kindness and love are what it's all about. I didn't know that each time I echoed eternal damnation for gay people, each time I referred to Bobby as sick and perverted and a danger to our children. His self esteem and sense of worth were being destroyed. And finally his spirit broke beyond repair. It was not God's will that Bobby climbed over the side of a freeway overpass and jumped directly into the path of an eighteen-wheel truck, which killed him instantly. Bobby's death was the direct result of his parent's ignorance and fear of the word gay. He wanted to be a writer. His hopes and dreams should not have been taken from him but they were.

There are children, like Bobby, sitting in your congregations. Unknown to you they will be listening as you echo "amen", and that will soon silence their prayers. Their prayers to God for understanding and acceptance and for your love. But your hatred and fear and ignorance of the word gay will silence those prayers. So, before you echo "amen" in your home and place of worship, think. Think and remember, a child is listening."

I am thankful to God for the support from my family.  We went through a real rough road in the beginning, but my family came to understand, like Mary Griffith.  I love my family so dearly and their love, understanding and acceptance of me has done nothing but blessed my life. - Jimmy 

Yeah For The Weekend!

Well, a busy week!  I took Jack to the vet to be cremated.  I had them do a "Paw Print" of his in plaster for me.  I picked that up today.  I was so sad Drew went with me to the shelter to look at dogs and fell in love with one.  I took Drew and Friedl again on Wednesday, she just had to meet the dog and give her approval.  I filled out the application and waited unpatiently for the background check to go through.  Plus, there was another application in for him already.  Last night I got a call which went something like this "Jim, this is Harbor Humane.  We just wanted to update you on Jack.  He has already found a new home."  I was soooo disappointed, and after just seconds she said "...with YOU!"  I was so happy.

Some people think it's too early to get another dog.  The thing is, I only had him five months and I got the "dog bug."  If I had him for 10 or more years I probably would have waited, but I was just loving the companionship of Jack.  Jack's cataracs had gotten so bad he was blind, so he didn't really play at all, and it was difficult to take him on walks, but I LOVED him SO much!  And he loved me back.  He followed me EVERYWHERE even though he couldn't see.  He was so special.

So, the new dog's name is Riley.  I will get him next Friday.  He has to be fixed and chipped first.  So, I have been visiting him and playing with him so he'll be very familiar with me when I bring him to his new home next week.

In other news, I got a JOB!  The job is at the company I applied for (Booking.com) however, it is a different position.  They had hired from within (which I figured would happen) but I asked if I could take another job as Customer Care Executive which I had seen advertised, and maybe work my way up.  She said "YES, we will absolutely make that happen."  So, I will go Monday to do all my paperwork for employment and then start the four week training program on either March 4 or 18, depending how quickly they can get me in the program. 

So, this has been my busy week!  I'm exhausted, it has been VERY emotional in many ways.  Yeah for the weekend! - Jimmy

Sad Tonight

I lost my dog Jack tonight at about 9:30 p.m.  He was very sick the last few days.  I was holding him in my arms, Drew next to me and Friedl next to Drew.  Sad tonight....-Jimmy

More Later

It's a beautifully sunny day here in Saugatuck!  The snow is beautiful.  Thank God we did not get what the northeast coast got!!! 

Drew and I are going to the Winter Market at the Glenn Community Center.  Marguerite is selling her homemade jams and art, plus there are lots of other homemade goodies there too.  Gives us something to get out of the house for.

Tonight we are going to Tao and Dan's to celebrate the Chinese New Year.  They live close to Drew's apartment so I think we're going to spend the night there.  Our first night there together!  (And only Drew's second!)

Well, heading out, so maybe I can write some more later. - Jimmy

Pray For Me

Haven't heard about the job yet.  The interview went great.  It is a perfect fit for me as far as a job goes.  Pray for me!

Jimmy

Keep Everyone Posted

OK, here it is...February 1, 2013.  As I read my blog from three years ago I can't believe the emotions I was going through.  I am so thankful I kept a journal/blog.  It makes me realize how far I have come.  I just can't imagine feeling like that.  I am so at peace now.  Thank God!

I have a second interview today at Booking.com!  I am very excited.  I have resisted from writing about it because I don't want to "jinx" it.  However, I am just too excited about it and hope to get the job!  The company is headquartered in Amsterdam and the position is for a Corproate Trainer at the Grand Rapids U.S. Headquarters.  I have such great experience in corporate training and internet reservation systems...I would be PERFECT for this job!  Plus I would have to travel 25% of the time to Amsterdam, Orlando and to a new location they haven't yet decided on.  How fun!

All this leads to the question about the future of the Kirby House.  That is something I have to decide on depending on my future.  I will keep everyone posted.  - Jimmy

Don't Ask Me Why - I Just Did

Wow, three weeks since I have posted to my Blog.  Time goes fast.  I have been using my iPad so much lately and it's hard to type long blogs on it.  So, I am on my Netbook right now...and posting to my Blog...obviously.

Things are going well in my life right now.  There are rumors that the Kirby House has sold.  That is not true.  I am pursuing opportunities for my future and as they come to fruition I write about them.  This Blog has been a "God-send" to me.  I have been reading my blog from 2010...and WOW.  How sick and in pain I was three years ago.  It's actually hard to believe that I felt so horrible then.  I mean, I understand it, but I just feel so much more at peace now.  My grief counselor was so fantastic.  I am where I am because of her and all my friends and family.

I have no vacations planned this year.  I am just enjoying the winter "guest free."  Drew, Friedl, Tom and I have been "hanging out" seeing movies, making dinners, etc.  It's been nice.  Soon I will be busy again and wont have the time to enjoy the sleeping in and "playing with friends."

I went to Detroit a couple weeks ago.  Spent four nights at my mom's house, the longest ever!  It was so nice.  Since I went on a weekend I was able to spend time with the WHOLE family.  When I visit during the week someone is always working or school or whatever.  My brother and sister-in-law had dinner on Saturday and we were ALL together.  It was so nice I actually cried.

We have seen some movies...Hobbit, This is 40, Zero Dark Thirty, Hope Springs Eternal, Lincoln, Lincoln the Vampire Hunter, etc.  The one that shocked me the most was "Lincoln the Vampire Hunter."  Drew rented it and I said "you can watch it yourselve, that is stupid."  Well, I sat down and watched it and loved it!  Don't ask me why, I just did. - Jimmy

One Big Happy Family

Well, three years ago today I had Ray's funeral.  It was so beautiful.  The terrible snow storm made a mess for everyone who attended, but I was so impressed by the turn out.  It shows you how much people loved Ray.  I was just watching a video of him I took when he was in the hospital and I took Wiley to see him.  It was so nice to see him, but especially to hear his voice!

Today is also my late brother David's birthday.  He died July 29, 2007.  So it is now coming on the sixth year anniversary of his death. 

I've been feeling quite good about things lately.  I have some stress going on right now, but I've got a plan and a direction.  That makes me feel great.  As I sit here and type, Jack is laying next to me on a stool.  He loves his "daddy!" 

Got most Christmas decorations down.  Just have to take the ornaments off the two trees and get them down.  I will probably do that tomorrow.  Unless I sub. 

I plan a visit to see my mom next week in Detroit.  It will be so nice to see her and the rest of my family.  I haven't seen any of them since this summer. 

The cats are doing great.  They are getting along just fine with Jack.  Even Moscow has quit her "strike" and has come downstairs to sleep with me in spite of Jack being in the room.  Wiley is the best with him though.  He doesn't even mind sleeping next to him.  One big happy family. - Jimmy

Three years

Three years. - Jimmy